| "My
marriage has been somewhat borderline. At the age of 48 my sexual
interest has dwindled to a blown-out match stick..." more... |
| "Sex
does not happen at our house. Period." more...
|
| "I
had recently separated from my wife of 7 years due to a major
difference in sex drives..." more...
|
| "I
think most men feel that just having "sex" is a quick
fix to all problems and that life will just be better..."
more... |
| "My
wife and I have struggled for several years to find a common ground..."
more... |
| "I
think most men feel that just having "sex" is a quick
fix to all problems and that life will just be better ... "
more... |
|
|
Our friends
invited us out for a special party. The theme: "The Not
So Newlywed Game." Just like the television game, we all
answered questions posed by our host, and competed for prizes.
The first set of questions were a little spicy – "Who dated
more before the marriage," and "What famous person
would your spouse most like to spend the night with?" Then
the questions really heated up. Finally, the big one, worth
extra bonus points. "Husbands, if your wife were an animal
in the bedroom, what would she be: a lion, a rabbit, a puppy,
or a hibernating bear?"
|
|
|
There we
were, four men, each with a marker and an 8 x 11 sheet of cardboard,
in front of a small audience of friends and neighbors, about
to decide the best way to describe our sexual practices. How
did I ever get myself in this situation? I won't burden the
reader with my answer. Suffice it to say I tried to finesse
my way through it. To my surprise, though, a remarkable thing
happened. Two of the four of us flat-out dared to say it: our
wives' sexual practices were the animal equivalent of a hibernating
bear. I couldn't believe that men would actually admit this
in public. That was nothing, though. Because when the women
returned from their isolation chamber, all but one stated it
right out: hibernating bear, hibernating bear, hibernating bear.
In fact, the only woman who didn't use the ursine analogy is
the one whose husband had already described her that way.
Does passion
die with familiarity? One psychiatrist, a contributor to this
web site, offered a different perspective: "My wife and
I have been married for 28 years and sex has never been better."
For him, successful marriage increased intimacy and deepened
sexual satisfaction.
What do
married men really know about other married couples' sexual
practices? It may surprise women that married men rarely talk
about issues about sexual frequency, intimacy, or frustrations
with other men. We may hint at it, or joke with each other,
but we rarely go further.
Here's the
place to explore this issue further. How does sex happen at
your house? Has marriage enriched your sex life? Who has the
stronger sex drive? TELL OTHER MEN ABOUT the intimate
part of your life. (Please try to be factual, rather than pornographic.)
Relate your experiences in our discussion forums. |
| Contributors
can purchase the book directly from the site as it becomes available
soon. To learn more click on "About the Book."
|
|
| More
of Your Comments |
| My wife
is wonderful in most ways, kids, housekeeping and talking along
with doing things together. We were very active sexually when
we first got married. Shortly after it died and now there is no
hugging or kissing when either comes home. The cuddling is kept
to as little as possible. The relationship goes well except for
anything physical. Definitely a hibernating bear. I would love
to get intimate at least once a week if not more but am lucky
to see once a month. (Bud,30, married 3years)
|
| I am amazed
at how may women and men that I know are not happy sexually in
there marriages. I find that most of my girlfriends say they can't
stand their husbands and they do it because they have to. All
romance and passion is dead. I'm always afraid to open my mouth
and put my two cents in that I am a women and I love my husband
and many times I just can't get enough. Life gets in the way,
work, kids, financial problems---but give me some rest let me
recoup and I love sex, romance and surprises! Men if your women
aren't interested make them feel special, tell them how beautiful
they are in your eyes--change the scenery and get out of the rut.
I'm sure women love sex, but feel worn out by everyday stresses.
If you make them feel special--I'm sure there will be reciprocation.
Give it a shot! (Gina, 39, married 12 years)
|
| How does
it happen? When the kids are away, asleep, etc. It needs to be
quiet, with no appointments to bother us. Yes, marriage enriches
our sex life because we know and trust each other. My wife has
had medical difficulty on and off, and I suspect that would kill
anyone's sex drive. Intimate part huh? Well I'm not sure how to
answer this. We get together usually 3 or 4 times a month, sometimes
more and, yes, sometimes less. I guess one problem we have is
it takes me awhile to get the job done, for me any way. I'm rarely
sure when she done. So we often have to schedule a couple hours
and with work and kids and all, sometimes this needs to be postponed.
(Andy, 38, married 14 years)
|
| I believed
verbal discussion would enhance the sex life of our marriage of
two years. I envisioned communicating satisfaction and dissatisfaction,
expectations and surprises, likes and dislikes, etc. But the only
discussions are ones I initiate. Eventually my husband confessed
such discussions make him feel evaluated and critiqued. For him
this is a turn-off. (Eve, 31)
|
| Sex is not
a fix for all of our problems but it does help a lot. My wife
and I are excellent communicators. We talk all of the time and
tell each other almost all that is on our minds. We spend time
touching but we have sex often too. Not as often as I would like
but a little more often than she would like. Our marriage has
been anything but perfect. She used to be much too obese. She
is still overweight but not nearly so bad. Though her obesity
hurt our sex life, having sex also helped our marriage through
it all. We also prayed. As a believer I must say that prayer was
a big help in our marriage making it. I don't believe we would
have made it otherwise. I notice other women, many of whom are
very attractive. I have always been able to be faithful to my
wife; I have never even approached another woman sexually. Even
here I think having sex has helped in that matter. So, the three
things that have kept this marriage together are communication,
prayer, and sex. (Marvin, 54, married 32 years)
|
| Let's get
away from this idea that's it's just men who want more sex in
their marriages. Whether a person wants sex depends on what's
happening in their lives, whether it's stressing them, their personality,
whether the sex is satisfying and last, but not least, their gender.
My husband never wants sex when he's upset with his kids or when
he feels depressed. Women feel isolated from their partners too.
I'd have to say our cuddles are fantastic and are worth more than
the sex any day. (Mary, 44, second marriage of 2 years)
|
| I am only
31 and I am on my second marriage. My first marriage lasted five
years and ended when my ex-wife fell for the alcoholic woman next
door and decided she wanted more happiness in life than I could
give her. I have forgiven her and we get along well now, and I
know it wasn't sex problems that caused our marriage to fail.
My second wife is 27 and we have been married for three years.
We have great sex, but not nearly as often as I would like to.
We don't argue much, but when we do argue it is almost always
because I want her to display more affection towards me. The daily
routine of a busy life that includes a career, children and household
chores has given her a strong sense of importance and endless
daily challenges, but little energy for catering to my sexual
desires. Sex has become another chore for her and to my dismay
it is a chore that is low on her priority list. My life isn't
perfect, but I really can't complain much. We have our health,
we are strong, and we have lots of love and friendship. My biggest
concern is that my intense sexual desires will whittle away at
my sense of judgment and self control. I sometimes find myself
wishing I could have flings on the side with no consequences or
worries. Although our marriage is everything I want in a marriage
and she is my perfect life partner, I can't say that I wouldn't
take chances if an opportunity arrived for me to have some adulterous
fun on the side. Lord, please forgive me for the things that I
allow to happen in my head. I only hope that I can do things right,
and live a good life, and experience as much of life as I can
before I die. What a quandary to know that my fantasies aren't
compatible with the life I have chosen; knowing that at any moment
in life another fantasy could come true, but not really knowing
if I want it to. (Richard)
|
| 've thought
about faithfulness a lot in my marriage. I love my wife, although
she does not show me the affection that I crave. Sex slowed down
before she became pregnant, then it really slowed down. Now that
our child is 8 months old things are picking up, but that means
once a month if I'm lucky. I love her, but it's hard to stay focused
on her without the affection I sorely need. (Jared, 42, married
2 years)
|
| My husband
used to initiate sex. As midlife approaches, we have a total role
reversal. If it happens now, I am the one to initiate it. The
funny thing is, I am physically more attractive than when I was
younger. Now that the kids are grown my attitude is "times a wasting."
He seems embarrassed by this and has told me he feels physically
unattractive. I assure him that body changes are inevitable and
that I find his physique comforting. Still I miss the passion.
I mean, sheesh, every now and then would be a bonus! (Kate, 47,
married 28 years)
|
| My wife
refuses to have sex. She refuses to say she loves me or acknowledge
my (or her) needs. My experience, like so many others--I'm now
learning--started out great while dating and living together for
6 years. A pregnancy moved us to marriage and that's when it all
stopped! My wife scoffs at the suggestion of lovemaking using
the "psychological damage" I inflicted on her over the years.
"Too many scars," she'll retort. Physically she's let herself
go as well. My problem is in satisfaction and the need for intimacy
and stimulation. Being wanted. Monopolizing my 9-year-old daughter's
interest and time by constant shopping sprees. I can't compete
with her for dominance of the family and find I'm being minimized
into nothing. (Tony,47, married 7 years)
|
| I think
a lot of men expect women to just turn on their "sexual light
switch." It's not that easy for us. Especially when we're dealing
with the kids all day long and taking care of the house. For me,
after a long day with my kids, I just don't feel very sexual.
My husband, on the other hand, expects me to be ready the second
he is in the mood. I do understand that he worked all day and
that he's just as tired as I am, but he just has to realize that
I'm not always going to be ready for sex. (Sonja, 33, married
13 years)
|
| My wife
has the stronger sex drive, it's her timing that makes it happen
in our sex life. Impulse is the key word. Marriage and children
have helped to enrich our sex life. She feels marriage has given
us the anything goes card. We talk, we play, we have romance.
We'll take a course together at the local college on something
we enjoy, maybe art, or wine tasting, maybe photography and it
becomes a date which soon becomes exciting and romantic, a great
time for us both and something to always look forward to. Our
children are a plus, they give us the opportunity to show another
side of ourselves to one another, which is also very appealing
that nurturing side. "We feel this orgasm will never end!" (Dave,
37, married 5 years)
|
| My wife
has closed the door on our sex life. I am her chauffeur, provider
and financial caretaker. (Boomer, 56, married 35 years)
|
| My husband
is a good man and has a very giving a caring heart, especially
toward others. I think that he loves me to a certain degree, but
I don't know if he is in love with me or how deep his love actually
runs. I try to express my needs to him as far as affection and
romance. I only wish I knew what his needs are. He and I have
two different outlooks on sex and, I think, marriage as well.
He wants more erotic sex, which may include others, where as I
want to be with the only man I love--him. I don't know how important
that part of our lives is to him. I do feel that he is less attracted
to me because of his and his feeling that they are not being met.
I try to understand why he thinks and feels what he does, but
I do not know if he is trying to do the same for me. We both work
all the time. I have expressed my concern for us having quality
time alone. He is not very responsive to that. When we do spend
time together doing things, I find that we do seem closer and
get a long much better. I do not know what happened to the flame
that once burned in him, but I hope that I can some how rekindle
the fire; I hope that he is truly happy with just me and that
I alone will be enough for him in our marriage. (Sarah, married
9 years)
|
| When my
husband and I first met we had the most earth shattering sex.
He would want me over and over again. Since then some things have
changed, once I found out we could not have children my sex drive
has decreased to almost null. He is still as horny as ever and
looking for it every day (no exaggeration). He doesn't seem to
understand that for a woman it is about love and the prospect
of family. The fact that our love making will never lead to a
child, I feel as if sex is empty and worthless...but how do I
explain that without hurting his ego? (Jen, 25, married 2 years)
|
| I never
enjoyed sex in my first marriage. It was more of an obligation
to me than anything else. But my current partner stimulated my
interest and showed me it can be very pleasurable. I am not very
expert at much in this category, but he told me not to worry about
him. He seemed to enjoy the pleasure he was giving me. We have
been together for 16 months now and now he seems to be losing
interest, but I would make love to him every day if he wanted
it. He said he just doesn't really need sex. I wonder: if men
start losing interest in a woman for whatever reason, does their
lovemaking mirror that? (Kathie, 42, twice divorced)
|
| A satisfying
sex life becomes quite difficult when we cannot get the timing
right. I prefer sex in the evening when it is already quiet -
but by that time, I am just ready to sleep. Mornings are good
because you are hard right away - but it's difficult to be amorous
when your wife is still fast asleep. But there are Sundays when
we could not seem to get enough of each other. We still smile
about that one Sunday when we stayed in bed and did it five times...(ahh,
the memories!) (Rex, 34, married 4 years)
|
| Most men
do love their wives. They want to make them happy during sex while
at the same time being pleased. The problem is whether women make
love to me the way the want to be made love to and vise versa.
Men and women have two totally different outlooks on sex. Men
can enjoy slow love making but not everyday. For most men the
act of having sex, even with your spouse whom you love dearly,
is just not that deep and emotional EVERY TIME you have sex. Men
also tend to want it more frequently. If your wife is giving and
caring, take the time to be not only romantic but a great lover.
Turn her on, then slowly turn her out. A woman will do the stuff
you see in "flicks," but not if you just say "hey, do this or
try that." In the heat of the moment when you're pushing her buttons--
if you slowly try new things she will join in. Think about when
you were playing the field. Take the same principles and apply
them to your wife. (Soldier, 22, married a year)
|
| As for sex,
it's great. Though I probably want it more often(as a guy a part
of me thinks I want it all the time, anytime), my wife may even
want it more. So many of the other comments seem to illustrate
what I've learned: When you care about each other and let the
other know, the sex (and everything else) is better. And it can
come back if even one will patiently try a positive loving attitude
and keep it up. Between 10 to 20 years of marriage, we were ready
to give up. The negatives outweighed the positives, but we had
so much invested. Somehow, independently we began to give the
positive attitude approach a try. And as time went on it became
self-fulfilling in all aspects of the relationship. The things
that were still not perfect, they just aren't so important anymore.
I have a great lover and I let her know and I'm not about to blow
that because of an argument over something that I think should
be my way. We've both tried to take care of ourselves, neither's
put on too much weight. We try to be clean for each other and
appreciate the good points even though neither of our bodies are
what they were. We do and say romantic and nice things to each
other often and it helps both of us to actually be more romantic.
I listen to her, especially her feelings and I complement her
in any situation I can (including sexiness), and she often does
the same for me -- even though neither of us is a prize in the
physical, sexual or any other department. It wasn't always like
that. We did have a lot of passion when we started; the remembrance
of that was helpful in motivating us to do what we do to get satisfaction
back and to keep at it. Sure it's an effort and sometimes discouraging,
but the longer we continue the more it's worth it. And I don't
want to lose it. Sex is mostly in the head and heart, and therefore
can be great if we set our minds and hearts to it. Of course the
other has to be at least a little open and have something to give.
Given a choice, any rational person would want to try to change
for a better relationship rather than an ongoing hassle or emptiness
if they thought it was for real and wouldn't hurt them. (Rich,
51, married 30 years)
|
| My wife
and I have been having problems with different levels of sexual
libido for eleven years. Although she enjoys sex, she has an arousal
frequency of about once or twice a month. For me, sex comes up
whenever I take my mind off other things. In other words, every
day. For a variety of reasons we have struggled on. But recently,
with the birth of our first child, I have become extremely anxious.
Sex during and after pregnancy has become almost non-existent--and
then only after a lot of tense negotiation. At one point I went
into the weird head space of having a intense but completely imaginary
relationship with this girl at my local health club. Then I made
the horrible mistake of telling my wife. I've been thinking about
this a lot. Here's what I've come up with. We didn't have a courtship
- we had a long distance by mail relationship. I proposed and
we were married almost as soon as we physically met because I
was so freaked out about my past experiences with ephemeral sex
and modern dating. To make matters worse I then ran off to my
job on the other side of the world for three months, thereby ensuring
that we hardly knew each other right from the start. At the time
I felt somehow proud that I had settled the insecurity of the
"dating game." Now I really regret it. Somehow I need to find
a way to create, eleven years in and with a kid, the courtship
we never had. But how? (Eddie, 35, married 11 years)
|
| Seems to
me that men bear the burden on the sexual dimension of relationships.
Men are expected to be apologetic for sex drives. Men are supposed
to be initiators. But if we show little sex drive, something is
wrong, and we should get therapy. If we show regular sex drive,
we border on being selfish. At the same time, in the ongoing movement
to recognize and affirm the value of what it means for women to
be women, we are to be non-judgmental. We are asked to recognize
the value of "the feminine," without imposing a male judgment
on qualities and behavior; on the other hand, male qualities and
behavior are all open for correction, judgment, evaluation and,
dare I say it, "toning down." Perhaps that's just another word
for repression. Certainly I do not mean that men should be brutes.
But men should not simply be dismissed as hormone driven dolts,
because we have a sex drive. (Serge, 42, married 21 years)
| |
My marriage has been somewhat borderline. At the age of 48 my sexual interest has dwindled to a blown-out match stick. I can't blame it on work. I like my career, even though it can be stressful at times. I do take medication for Attention Deficit Disorder and Hypertension, which, I'm sure, adds to my lack of interest. My wife is always the aggressor when it comes to playing around. I tried Viagra on a couple of occasions, but that's like planning an event instead of a natural lovemaking. She tells me to see a doctor about this, but I keep procrastinating in telling a stranger my sex life. So here I am reading some of these stories for the first time. (Branford, married 22 years)
| |
Sex does not happen at our house. Period. I feel as though I now have a wonderful live-in maid, cook, and caregiver for our kids, but I have nothing in the way of a lover. Marriage has all but killed our sex life. I can't help but think that perhaps the 40 or so pounds I've gained in the 2 years since our marriage has a whole lot to do with it. I was blessed with the libido of a 17-year-old on Viagra and I'm married to the Ice Queen. I wonder how can I get back to the romantic, intimate feelings that we shared years ago? (Bruce, 30, second marriage of 5 years)
| |
I had recently separated from my wife of 7 years due to a major difference in sex drives. I am 50; she is a few years younger than I am. My sex drive is higher than hers is. I would like sex at least 3 to 4 times a week; she only 1 to 2 two times every 10 days. We have been in couples' therapy for 2 years without any resolution. I was labeled as a "pathological sex addict" because I "wanted it" so much. A second marriage for both of us, our relationship was very strong in all other aspects. I had reached the point of separating because of her attitudes. When we made love it was highly pleasurable. I am at a loss of what to do next. How do other men deal with this?
| |
I think most men feel that just having "sex" is a quick fix to all problems and that life will just be better after we "do it again," and the next day life moves on. I feel it takes years of experience to understand that the intimacy that precedes a sexual encounter is the real secret of staying married. My husband and I both understand each other's needs before going into the bedroom. We recently went through a "dry spell" together; there were many issues that were contributing to this. I felt the tension with my husband in his lack of response to any affection at all. I was aware, but felt drained in trying to respond to the needs of the rest of my family. By evening I felt physically spent. We finally both realized we were falling into a pattern of ignoring one another by going to bed at different times to avoid dealing with what was happening in our lives. I think this "dry spell" was the best thing that has happened to us. We started having fights about whose fault it was that this was happening to us. "Kiss and make up" just wasn't enough because all goes well for a few weeks -- and we would fall right back into the habits of ignoring the problems. We were missing each other's little moments of intimacy. We just needed to stop and spend some time talking. He began by talking about what brought us together in the first place, and what was it that used to make us feel so good and special about each other. This was a real awakening for me reinforced the importance of being intimate every day. The results have been astonishing! His reminding me to think about our beginnings has just turned us around. We look for secret moments to just "be" with each other. I find him being more attentive and romantic toward me. Hugs and kisses as he or I came and went are now back in place and our sex life has never been like it is today. I'm not sure if it takes everyone 45 years to get to this place, but I certainly can say I feel, and he feels, the best we have ever felt about each. It's an excitement I'd forgotten about -- just seeing him come in and him hugging me and saying, "You look so nice," and "I am so proud of you." When these words are said, it becomes a happier environment in our home. We can hardly wait to be alone together and share intimate moments of hugging and touching before we even get to the bedroom. I wish someone had talked to us about how good marriage can be after being together 45 years, and that intimacy and sex are also better. (Ellie, 64, married 45 years)
| |
My wife and I have struggled for several years to find a common ground in our expectations and outlets for our sexual desires. This experience has helped me understand the behaviors she looks to me for. It has enabled the two of us to speak openly and supportively about our interests and needs. I enjoy frequent sex; my wife less so. I am one to sacrifice sleep for a marathon into the early hours, while my wife recognizes the imperatives of sleep. She likes to prepare for our lovemaking by showering and dressing up; I am happy to jump into bed (or onto the floor or table) with little preparation. I have matured in our marriage; my sex behavior is focused on her pleasure and the emotional sharing that we derive from really great sex. We have really great sex. While it takes my wife longer to get aroused, I am content to help and enjoy the pleasuring I get along the way. For us, a great day leads to great sex. I am sure to touch my wife, embrace her when I come home from work, engage her in my decision-making and do other things that reinforce for her that she is a vital part of my life. We have four children and that frequently demands that we push sex late into the evening, but we occasionally spend an hour or so making love on Saturday mornings while the kids content themselves with TV. We suspect our teenage child realizes what we are doing and keeps the younger ones corralled and occupied. We are committed to our marriage, work to nourish it with nights out-- or just the two of us folding laundry while watching a rented movie. We both acknowledge that patient, loving, sex (with sprinklings of laughter) is great food. (Mickey, 41, married 15 years)
|
|
"I
think most men feel that just having "sex" is a quick
fix to all problems and that life will just be better after
we "do it again," and the next day life moves on.
I feel it takes years of experience to understand that the intimacy
that precedes a sexual encounter is the real secret of staying
married. My husband and I both understand each other's needs
before going into the bedroom. We recently went through a "dry
spell" together; there were many issues that were contributing
to this. I felt the tension with my husband in his lack of response
to any affection at all. I was aware, but felt drained in trying
to respond to the needs of the rest of my family. By evening
I felt physically spent. We finally both realized we were falling
into a pattern of ignoring one another by going to bed at different
times to avoid dealing with what was happening in our lives.
I think this "dry spell" was the best thing that has
happened to us. We started having fights about whose fault it
was that this was happening to us. "Kiss and make up"
just wasn't enough because all goes well for a few weeks --
and we would fall right back into the habits of ignoring the
problems. We were missing each other's little moments of intimacy.
We just needed to stop and spend some time talking. He began
by talking about what brought us together in the first place,
and what was it that used to make us feel so good and special
about each other. This was a real awakening for me reinforced
the importance of being intimate every day. The results have
been astonishing! His reminding me to think about our beginnings
has just turned us around. We look for secret moments to just
"be" with each other. I find him being more attentive
and romantic toward me. Hugs and kisses as he or I came and
went are now back in place and our sex life has never been like
it is today. I'm not sure if it takes everyone 45 years to get
to this place, but I certainly can say I feel, and he feels,
the best we have ever felt about each. It's an excitement I'd
forgotten about -- just seeing him come in and him hugging me
and saying, "You look so nice," and "I am so
proud of you." When these words are said, it becomes a
happier environment in our home. We can hardly wait to be alone
together and share intimate moments of hugging and touching
before we even get to the bedroom. I wish someone had talked
to us about how good marriage can be after being together 45
years, and that intimacy and sex are also better." (Ellie,
64, married 45 years)
|
| "Though
my wife and I have a great friendship and parenting partnership,
we don't have sex much at all//, mainly because of me, I think.
Sex has always been too complicated for me. I have to deal with
strong fears of exploiting her, so I only feel happy to get involved
if she indicates she is interested. (But she gets upset that I
never initiate sex.) I find the sustaining of my arousal while
I get her aroused has been impossible, so I often could not perform
in the end when she was aroused. (Just recently we found a way
to get me aroused again, so that's progress!) These experiences
of "failure" have added another layer of deterrence.
Adding to it, having a pre-teen girl in our tiny condo has not
encouraged the privacy we'd like. The result is we have never
developed a pattern for regular sex during these many years of
marriage. We're working on it though, and things are always getting
better. And we do love each other and enjoy a lot of emotional
intimacy." (Jon, age 46, married 18 years) |
| "My
wife and I used to have a great, great great sex life...so I thought.
When we first started seeing each other she was very narrow minded
when it came to sex. So when we started to become intimate I started
to slowly show her other things. She really caught on and enjoyed
what we were doing in bed. Well, after three years or so, now
that we have a house and I think that everything is going great,
she tells me that she doesn't like some of the things that we
do in bed; that for some reason she feels bad after we do them.
It's like she feels slutty or something. I tell her that she should
feel nothing of the sort about the things that we do in bed, because
that is where that stuff stays. If it feels good while you are
doing it, then it can't be wrong, right? Well anyway, we do have
a few more problems than that, and I guess actually that is the
least of our problems. Because I love her so much (even though
I don't say it enough), I don't care about the sex, though I do
enjoy it with her more than anyone else that I have ever been
with." (W.M., age 31, marred 2 years) |
| "I
made a big mistake early in my marriage. We married shortly after
graduating college, so I had to simultaneously build a career
and a marriage. In focusing on my career, I neglected my wife's
needs, even her sexual ones. That was 9 years and two kids ago.
Now our sex life is virtually non- existent. On a few occasions,
she has reminded me of that time when she felt rejected, and she
has blamed her current lack of interest in sex on that experience.
If I could have that time in my life back to live over again,
things would be different . . ." (Evan, 36, married 9 years)
|
| "My
wife and I have a "good marriage." But, she hasn't "felt
like having sex" for months now. For the last few years,
she only feels like having sex once every couple of months. I
guess I'd have to describe my wife as one of those hybernating
bears... when we've made love." (Jeff, married 13 years,
second marriage) |
| "A
man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned
to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the
initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. The
man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth. In the
middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says,
I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering
if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket? The
woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have
better idea, just for tonight let's pretend that we are married."
The man happily says, "OK. AWESOME!" The woman says
"GOOD..... Get your own f-cking blanket."(Seth, age
40, married 12 years) |
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| The
examples on this website typify the experiences of many individuals
as told to Dr. Haltzman. They are intended to encourage discussion.
However, they should not be construed as describing all men and
women or husbands and wives. Dr. Haltzman welcomes other viewpoints
in response to the issues and topics. |
copyright
© 2000-2004 ScottHaltzman, MD
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