| "Listen
to what she has to say; you may learn more about yourself. Always
be truthful, and never keep any secrets..." more...
|
| "Roses,
poetry, jewelry, cards. These are all great gifts but one of the
greatest gifts you can give your wife is time. more... |
| "To
be male and to express masculinity is to reflect the image of
God that is completed only by both genders." more... |
|
|
The most
frequent grievance I hear from wives is: "My husband doesn't
listen." These are men who man mission control at NASA,
who labor as police detectives documenting and investigating
crimes, or who take orders at a deli counter. Yet, when it comes
to the every day ordinary task of getting it right at home -
they miss the mark.
|
|
Medical
research shows that, compared to women, men aren't as skilled
at listening, especially when the content is emotion-based. Yet,
experts in
relationship skills all say the same thing: unless the person
you interact with feels completely understood, you'll never be
able to be heard yourself. |
|
SHARE
YOUR THOUGHTS. Are there ways to let your wife know she
is listened to? Do you have techniques for giving her the message
"I hear you?" Do you look for non-verbal cues, or
give these signals yourself? And, after all, is it really all
that important that she knows that you know what she needs?
Relate your experiences in our discussion forums.
|
| Contributors
can purchase the book directly from the site as it becomes available
soon. To learn more click on "About the Book."
|
|
| More
of Your Comments |
| Listen
to what she has to say; you may learn more about yourself. Always
be truthful, and never keep any secrets. Take time for each
other, without kids or household problems—just good loving
time for each other. Trust her and believe in her. Ask her what
she needs from you, and tell her what you need. And remember,
be truthful. Don’t hold back. Let your feelings be known,
and respect her and her feelings as well. I'm learning a little
too late, and now I'm trying to save a ten-year marriage. If
I only would have had someone tell me sooner. (Jay, thirty-nine,
married ten years)
|
|
Roses, poetry, jewelry, cards. These are all great gifts but
one of the greatest gifts you can give your wife is time. Quality
time! Just letting her talk about her day, her problems, her
accomplishments for the week, the kids, whatever. I know it's
sometimes difficult, but don't give advice. Make very general
statements. Just nod a lot, answer "Oh, really?" "Cool,”
"I didn't know that." Listening to her and just simply
being with her can be the best gift you could ever give. When
she's sitting on the couch one night just sit down next to her,
put your arm around her and ask, "How was your day?"
If you
haven't done this much then she may be shocked; but it will
be a pleasant surprise. She may even shed a few tears of happiness.
(Charles, thirty-two, married eight years)
|
| To
be male and to express masculinity is to reflect the image of
God that is completed only by both genders. It is true that
part of the journey of marriage is that remarkable discovery
of intimacy with someone who experiences the world in an altogether
different way than you do. And the more you are willing to open
yourself to that other experience by talking, listening, observing
and yielding, the more connected and complete you will become,
and, ironically, the more male you will become.
To be
known completely by your wife – known and accepted in
a loving, trusting relationship—will provide the very
foundation you need to be fully a man. And that is what your
wife needs most of all – a mature man who knows and accepts
himself. It will be the best wedding present you can give
her, and it will get better each year. (Vernetta, married
twenty-six years)
|
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| The
examples on this website typify the experiences of many individuals
as told to Dr. Haltzman. They are intended to encourage discussion.
However, they should not be construed as describing all men
and women or husbands and wives. Dr. Haltzman welcomes other
viewpoints in response to the issues and topics. |
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© 2000-2004 ScottHaltzman, MD
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