An update while I try to sort out my thoughts and feelings. We went on the ski trip. We discussed our lack of intimacy on the drive up. She said she felt like she was the one who wanted sex and I never did. I said I always wanted sex but felt like she was avoiding me / sex. When I went to the grocery store for trip supplies, I had bought her a Cosmo with an article '50 tips for great sex'. We read that article, together, in the hotel bed the first night. We had sex - sort of. It was probably the most dull and boring attempt at sex ever. At least from my memory it was. But at least it was something. The next morning she tells me that she took her Ambien too early so she doesn't remember what happened...
I didn't say anything. I just got packed up and on the road again. As we drove I was getting madder and madder and more and more hurt. It felt like she was saying the only way for her to have sex with me, her husband, was to get so drugged she didn't know what was going on. Over the next few days most of our friends noticed that I was quiet. Some even said something about me being very quiet. I told everyone privately, I was fine and everything was OK. At one point she asked me if "we were OK". I said we were fine. What was I supposed to do, tell them I thought we were headed for a divorce and ruin the trip for everybody? Even though we had the only double bed in the condo (only couple), one of the two of us slept on the couch every night. Actually, I just spent time on the couch because I don't think I slept more than a few hours the whole week we were there.
Her anniversary occurred while we were there. Yes, I termed it "her anniversary" to her and everyone I spoke to, emailed, or texted. On her anniversary, I told her we would do whatever she wanted to do, ski where ever she wanted to ski, go to whatever restaurant, etc. Though the day, it seemed to annoy her that she had to make all the decisions even when I told her that I was doing whatever she wanted to do. But I stayed with her and did whatever she wanted to do.
On the drive home we tried to discuss things a bit. After the third time I was talking and was cut off with vitally important things like "look at that tree", I shut up. If she wants me to talk she can listen. If she wants to walk all over everything I try to say, that indicates to me she doesn't want me to talk. And trying to be the good husband I try to do what makes her happy.
Now that we are home I'm trying to sort things out. We have had sex a few times, sort of. She has come to bed at a reasonable hour each night but got up and slept on the couch most of the night. I'm having a hard time dealing with my thoughts and feelings. I will try again to find a therapist to help me sort things out.