DrScott.com

[slp3238]

First time here, so be patient please. The wife and I have been married 12 years. We have 2 kids, 12 and 3. She got pregnant 3 months after we met. Our courtship was short and relyed a lot on alcohol and partying in college. She had just turned 21 when we got married. She was married before at 18 and was just leaving her first husband when we met.

Last week we had an issue that erupted because I did something mean to her without realizing I even did it. She was hurt pretty bad and has yet to forgive me. She said that was the catalyst for bringing up everything else. She is very unhappy with our marriage. She says I am a wonderful father and help tremendously around the house. I now have a great career as a CPA with normal hours. I treat her great and always show her affection and love. She has no issues with that.

She is very hurt from the years that got us to here. While I was working swing shift, I was also going to school to get my degree. When I was home, I was often tired and irritable. At that time I didn't show the love I needed to. She says she learned to shut that part off and just keep plugging along for the kids sake and hoping it would get better.

Now that I have put us in a better place and and found my happiness I started to want more affection from her. She doesn't know what to do with this. She doesn't want it now. It forced her to think about the relationship. She is missing the passion and spark and says she is not sure if we can get it back or if she even wants to. She is here just for the kids right now but says if she feels that we can't find the spark, she will leave. It is hard because of the incident last week, I have not been allowed to touch her at all. It wasn't until yesterday that she let me hug her.

SO basically, I guess I need to make her fall in love with me again. I can't do what we did before because it was during college and just going out drinking and partying.

Any suggestion? I love her so much, I have to try as hard as I can to fix this.

Thank You

[ThunderHorse]

The Men's secrets books has two chapters on listening to your wife. If you give her unconditional listening, she will fall in love with your. Search the Love Diet. Fiver you wife for opportniites a day, to talk about her disres for 15 minutes.


8th Post Down 15 Min Listening
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=387&highlight=listen

2nd Post Down 15 Min Listening
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=496&highlight=listen

3rd Post Down, Gives some phrases for a husband to be encouraging wife to talk.
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=448&highlight=listen

Husband has wife who says she hates him, Listening discussed:
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=472&highlight=listen

[ThunderHorse]

Post 2, 7 and 12 discuss the Love diet of offering to listen several times a day, even when your wife is usually not interested in talking.

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=455&highlight=diet

[ThunderHorse]

During listening sessions with your wife, you might sharpen up your habits/skills of giving her compliments.


Compliments for husbands to give wives during listening sessions:

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=477



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[slp3238]

Thank you for the help. This has been an exrtremely difficult time. I finally got her to talk a little over the weekend which was good. I like the listening 15 minures every day but it sometimes tough to get that time with our busy lives. With the two kids and both of us working full time, the weekdays are kind of crazy. We usually come home and do the nightly routine and get the kids to bed and we are exhausted ourselves. I am just not sure where we would fit it in. Just got to keep trying I guess.