by Mr. Ed » Sat Jun 28, 2008 11:03 am
Jon,
I infer that you are recently wed. Your wife has not yet realized that her relationship with you is NOT going to be like her relationships with all her female friends & relatives. You can be a good man, and a good husband, without 10,000 words per day worth of opening up your soul to her.
It is not wrong at all for you to not want to be another of her girlfriends. It is also not wrong for her to want to feel secure about your fidelity.
Others have said that there are trust issues, and on the surface it sounds that way. If you have given her good reason to mistrust you in the past, via word or deed, or if you are newlyweds, then you'll need to form a plan to work through these trust issues.
Otherwise, I recommend that you draw two lines in the sand:
1) You must learn to calm yourself in the heat of the moment, so you never say something you'll regret or don't really mean. And you must be firm with her that sharing every last little detail and nuance of every conversation you have with "unauthorized" females is something that you are simply done with. Tell her that you don't have a problem with lusting after other women (if this is, indeed, true) and that you are ready to help her work through HER problem.
2) Subjective communication and chaperones
If you are not ready to reconcile yourself to a life where you do not allow yourself to become "close" to female friends and coworkers, your problems have only just begun.
I recommend that you keep casual banter with female coworkers to a minimum. Send NO casual emails to females. (poetry?) Discuss business, by all means, but do not comment on the appearance or emotions of other women. Be Joe Friday. Nothing but the facts, ma'am.
NEVER ride in a car or go to lunch with another woman alone. Don't spend more than 5 minutes in a remote conference room alone with another woman. If it is an emergency, keep your visibility and time accountability as high as possible, so that coworkers could vouch for you if necessary. Imagine the wreckage that could be caused by a false accusation made by a vindictive female. If you have no witnesses, you're sunk.
There are two components here: De-sensitizing her jealousy trigger, and removing reasonable cause for her to be jealous.