Sometimes my wife wants to argue about something that I would prefer to delay. Cetainly, it is important to have discussions about differences of opinion. But sometimes, the argument is going on longer than any productive understanding is being achieved.
Last night my wife was complaining about some of my opnions, and I explained myself for a few minutes, but my wife wanted to continue in a make-wrong approach, rather than trying to understand my ideas.
So I said, "I Love you, and I have loving feelings toward you. I wish you had loving feelings toward me." My wife fell silent, but seemed to be sulking.
I then went to bed, and worked on going to sleep. Sleep came easily, and I had a good nights rest.
This morning I got a few things doen on her wish list. My wife seemed to have forgotten about trying to make me ashamed of my opinions.
I may be fortunate in having a wife with a short attention span.
Ideally, I would like to be able to actually turn my wife around from arguing, to nuetral, to loving.
However, Neutral is workable.
I am interested in develping further strategies for suspending an argument. I don't have to win. I just need to avoid getting excessively distracted, to avoid losing productivity, to stupidity.
One of the points in the Secrets book, of which I am guilty, is I avoid going home as early as I could from work. One reason I avoid going home, is that my wife enjoys belittling me. By waitng to go home longer, I get less criticism from my wife, because she is closer to being ready to go to sleep, as I spend more time at work.
So by having better strategies for suspending arguments with my wife, perhaps I can do better at one of Dr. Haltzman's suggestions, of getting home sooner after work.
Maybe ther is a time limit for letting my wife sulk in neutral, before trying to flirt her into a more loving conversation.
I might have been able to let my wife know that I understood her concerns better than I did. I have sometimes asked, "Could you sumarize your concerns? I am losing focus on what is really important to you."