20 years dying

[donnyb]

We have been married for 20 years; dated 2 years before. Our relationship was based on communication, intimacy, and being honest. I was aware that my wife had some challenging times in her childhood from a loose fingered uncle, but as we discussed this for hours, I have always been left with the feeling that nothing really happened, but many times came close. I thought we worked through this; our life was great. Wild sex lead to sex for fun and love; what better way can there be.
Six years ago she went back to the home town for a funeral; she freaked, avoiding the family and eventually went to counseling. Since that date, our sex life together has slowly died. First it was the special nights of control. She loved to have no control and had earth shattering orgasms. But those nights she "no longer wanted, at least not so often." (Like once, maybe twice a month.) Then it was the regularity; not 2-3 times a week, maybe once. Then it became apparent that she was putting up with it.
We scheduled therapy; her attendance was minimal and I think the therapist wasn't doing us any favors anyhow.
So now, my wife is sick of me for being so controlling? She loves me, but doesn't like me. Therapy has not been an avenue of discussion; her idea is a trial separation; not because she want to see others, she said if we divorced, she would never marry again; she doesn't want the relationship.
She is working extra hard at stopping any intimacy, I can sexually excite her, the signs are there, but I haven't pushed much further than "cuddling." If she put the energy into being intimate that she is putting into avoiding it, that part of our marriage would be spectacular.
She claims she wants to be able to go out with the girls; do things on her own. I admit, I have been possessive, but never forbid her to do anything. She was put on a pedastal by me and could have done almost anything, but with tact. Now she has brought up her independence again, and I have said do it. But she doesn't. One time after I mentioned why she hasn't done something, she said I hadn't given her permission; my response; you don't need my permission. Three weeks later now, she still hasn't done anything on her own.
From what I see, she likes the comfort and security of our relationship; but has problems intimately. She claims I am making a mountain out of her past family events and that there is no effect today from them.
Ideas on how to proceed?

[ThunderHorse]

The prostate gland removes certain trace byproducts from the blood and the lymph system. If you are waiting for your wife to be entusiasitic, you might be hurting your health. A Man's daily climax is important to keep the prostate cleared out.

You don't mention your wife's daily cycles. My wife is most enthusiastic about making love when she is watching television, but just starting to drift off to sleep. Hard to catch the exact 10 minute window. What is your wife's window?

How do you handle her rejections? My wife can be re-approached in about three minues. I select a different massage avenue than I was using last time. Do you have a book on inimate accupressure points?

What phrases do you have ready for the moment of rejection? My wife has a real short attention span. I need to get my zingers in for my most important desires, at that moment of rejection.

What are your avenues for climax at each stage of rejection? What about masturbating her and yourself? What about dry humping?