Is it beyond repair??

[2stardog]

Well here we go....I've been married to my wife for 9 years. We've been together for 12. I absolutely love her madly. However my actions of the last couple of years have allowed her to think I've "checked out" of the marriage. I have made her feel bad or guilty for not wanting to have sex. She feels the only time I'd show her any affection was when I was trying to "get some". As she slept alone in our cal king bed upstairs, I've spent countless evenings passed out on the couch with sportscenter after tossing off to some choice internet galleries. She told me a couple of months ago to take care of her up here (pointing to her head) and the sex would come.
I didn't take the hint and now she has told me how unhappy she is. I never clued in to what she was going through until I sat and analyzed how she must feel.
Now, She says she loves me but she's not sure she wants to stay with me. She says she needs to examine her expectations for happiness.
She's also not happy with herself and how she acts when she's “the bitching, nagging wife“. Yet she feels like she shouldn't have to modify her expectations. She says she wants to seek therapy to sort things out.
She is also a rather successful ,career driven woman, Which I feel I've enabled by being a rather involved father. I've picked up a lot of slack with our young boys while she's out of town on business etc. I guess I thought this was my way of caring by supporting her endeavors professionally . “No!â€

[Scott Haltzman]

Hi Star Dog,

Could I make 2 points? First, I wrote my book specifically for men in your situation. Get it. Read it. I don't maintain this site in order to sell my book, but in this case, I can't think of anything better to offer you. My book shows men how to prove to wives that they're in it for the long haul, and show them why that matters.

The second point. Sometimes when a wife says she just feels overloaded with the emotional responsibility of life/ marriage/everything, and starts to drift away because she feels you're not giving enough to the relationship, love feelings start to disappear. This is where men (who typically really do want to have loving and committed relationships with their wives) start to turn to the wife confessing their deep devotion. Here's the problem, at this point, the insistance on the part of the man that he really needs his wife ends up feeling like another burden for the wife to take on. "Just another think I have to do/deal with," she thinks. Yeah, you're right, she should have to modify her approach also, but she won't do it until you demonstrate (that goes beyond smothering her) that you've made her happiness (not your status within the marriage) your #1 priority.

There's hope, and time. Now get in there and fight for your marriage.

Please remember: THE SITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. The information about relationship, emotional, psychiatric, psychological disorders and treatments diseases contained on this website or through e-mail correspondence is general in nature and is intended for use as an educational and reference. NOTHING CONTAINED IN THE SERVICE IS INTENDED TO BE FOR MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT.

[ThunderHorse]

Dear 2 Star,

Power is a turn-on for a woman.

You sound wimpy. Why is this marriage important to you, when you can probably go out an find a better woman? If you have good skills of being attentive, You will have a wide range of women to select from upon your divorce.

Your wife should be made to realize how lucky she is to have a man like you.

Search the Love Diet and 180 Degree Divorce Busters. Refernces are on this Forum.

The only reason you should stay with your wife is because you are an honorable person. You are true to your word, and you gave your word in marriage. If you are staying with your wife becasue you are fearful about getting another woman, then you should search the Web and E-Bay for Flirting and Seducing e-books. You should sharpen your attentive skills, so you are confident you can snag another good woman. Then work on being more attentive to your wife. Your personal power is the first requirement.

I fantasize about my first day after my divorce is final, even though divorce does not usually seem imminent.

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[2stardog]

"The only reason you should stay with your wife is because you are an honorable person. You are true to your word, and you gave your word in marriage."
Uhh, all of that Thunderhead, and I love her to pieces. Ya know, It wouldn't be hard to find other ladies to keep company with, but that is not what I want. I want my wife. You seem rather shallow my friend. Your fantasy is completely ridiculous

[elizacol]

Divorce Busters, along with Scott's book, will get you started in the right direction!

Have you made any progress since you 1st wrote?

[ThunderHorse]

Dear 2 Star,

I am interested in your self confidence. Feel free to reject any of the ideas I present that you find rediculous, or otherwise not apetizing for you.

I suggest a balance between attentivensss, and power. Do you ask for Respect? What are some of the phrases/strategies you have found helpful in asking for more respect or honor?

Women appreciate receiving Love and Attention. Many women do not naturally extend respect to men in ways that are menaingful to men. That is why it takes some planning and forethought for many men to recieve the respect the feel the desrve. Many men fail to ask for adequate respect, feel cheated, and give less love to thier woman.

Have you read:

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

Dewey Decimal 248.855 E 2004

There is also a workbook, and a 7 Hour Conference on DVD, available on Amazon.

Emerson's Love and Respect Website:

http://www.loveandrespect.com/




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