tlescak wrote:Scott,
What do you do when the resentment from lack of sex will not allow you to treat your wife in a tender manner. i.e. how do you treat your wife like a queen when your heart just isn't in it.
It's a vicious cycle. Lack of sex makes me cold towards my wife and being cold towards my wife leads to lack of sex.
Good question, TLESCAK.
While there is a grain of truth to Patriarch V's response, allow me to dig a little deeper. I'll use the analogy of raising children; even if you don't have kids, I think you'll get what I mean.
If your child were interested in attending, say, a chess tournament, and, say, you don't have the least interest in chess, you'd still take her, and, unless you're really a nasty fellow, you'd cheer her on and show enthusiasm for her. Like going to a chess match, there are lots of things you would do to show care and interest in the life of your children because you know that it's an investment in their future and a way to connect. Moreover, on some basic level, even though you don't care for chess (or cheerleading, or cub scouts, or Yu-Gi-Oh, or soccer, or whatever) you'd probably make an effort to learn more about it and try to be involved because, heck, you're there anyway.
I use this example to point out that we do lots of things when our "heart's not in it," and often find rewards in the quality of relationships we forge because of it.
If your resentment gets in the way, then it's your job to lay it to rest, not your wife's. She
should be more open to sex; that may be
her equivalent of sitting through a cub scout meeting (although it would certainly take less time!). But often women aren't willing to make that kind of step until they feel 1) safe around you and 2) like you've made their happiness their number one priority. I wish those barriers weren' there, but they often are.
I guess the bottom line is that in this Mexican standoff, you're the one who's going to have to do the work first (since you're the one who's asking me).
Scott
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