How do you get a girl 'in the mood'

How do you get a girl 'in the mood'

Postby first year » Fri Dec 01, 2006 10:15 am

Simple question right? For a man, all you have to do is mention sex or touch him in the right parts, but how do you get a girl in the mood?
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A question worthy of a chapter itself

Postby Scott Haltzman » Sun Dec 03, 2006 8:03 pm

Hi First,

This site isn't meant to be a sales pitch for my book, but when you ask a question like that, it's like throwing me a soft lob right over the plate!

Get "The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever." The "Seventh Way" is to Understand the Truth About Sex. In most cases, as you point out, women don't compartimentalize as well as men. Guys can have an awful day, but tune it out if their wives invite them into the bedroom. Women, in general, are less likely to have this nifty skill.

BUT, you can't just jump ahead to the goal of more sex. You have to spend some time first laying the groundwork for letting your wife know that you've made her happiness you #1 priority. Otherwise, efforts on your part to "get more sex" are seen by her as your selfishness.

Take a look at the book, that chapter in particular, and let me know if it helps.

S.H.
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Postby tlescak » Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:14 am

Scott,

What do you do when the resentment from lack of sex will not allow you to treat your wife in a tender manner. i.e. how do you treat your wife like a queen when your heart just isn't in it.

It's a vicious cycle. Lack of sex makes me cold towards my wife and being cold towards my wife leads to lack of sex.
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Postby Patriarch Verlch » Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:32 pm

For American girls, diamonds, upgrading gifts each month, large SUVs, cash, gifts, sweet nothings.

Basically spending excessive amounts of time with her!!!
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Postby Scott Haltzman » Tue Dec 05, 2006 10:15 am

tlescak wrote:Scott,

What do you do when the resentment from lack of sex will not allow you to treat your wife in a tender manner. i.e. how do you treat your wife like a queen when your heart just isn't in it.

It's a vicious cycle. Lack of sex makes me cold towards my wife and being cold towards my wife leads to lack of sex.


Good question, TLESCAK.

While there is a grain of truth to Patriarch V's response, allow me to dig a little deeper. I'll use the analogy of raising children; even if you don't have kids, I think you'll get what I mean.

If your child were interested in attending, say, a chess tournament, and, say, you don't have the least interest in chess, you'd still take her, and, unless you're really a nasty fellow, you'd cheer her on and show enthusiasm for her. Like going to a chess match, there are lots of things you would do to show care and interest in the life of your children because you know that it's an investment in their future and a way to connect. Moreover, on some basic level, even though you don't care for chess (or cheerleading, or cub scouts, or Yu-Gi-Oh, or soccer, or whatever) you'd probably make an effort to learn more about it and try to be involved because, heck, you're there anyway.

I use this example to point out that we do lots of things when our "heart's not in it," and often find rewards in the quality of relationships we forge because of it.

If your resentment gets in the way, then it's your job to lay it to rest, not your wife's. She should be more open to sex; that may be her equivalent of sitting through a cub scout meeting (although it would certainly take less time!). But often women aren't willing to make that kind of step until they feel 1) safe around you and 2) like you've made their happiness their number one priority. I wish those barriers weren' there, but they often are.

I guess the bottom line is that in this Mexican standoff, you're the one who's going to have to do the work first (since you're the one who's asking me).

Scott


As always, please remember that this site does not provide medical information or services. It exists for the purpose of sharing thoughts and ideas, not medical recommendations.
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Postby elizacol » Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:22 pm

Tlescak,

I have been wanting to respond, but wanted to wait until Scott had.

I'd like to add my 2 cents, if you'd like to hear it.

One of you has to be the bigger person in this 'cycle' that is so common in marriages. You have 3 choices. You can continue the status quo, and the resentment will build and build and build, until 1 or the both of you decide you want out. You can expect your wife to change. Or, YOU can change.

You can't control your wife nor her actions. You can only control yourself and your actions. You actually hold the power in this situation, as you control the outcome, pretty much, by your course of action.

Take that 1st step towards putting the resentment behind you and just love your wife as you, yourself would like to be loved. Without being judged. Without being resented. Without being pressured. Just love her as if today were your last day on earth with her.

If you've read many of my posts, you should, by now, know my favorite quote.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

IF you want more love and affection (men = sex), then GIVE your wife the love and affection (women = love and affection) that you want.

Without expectation. Without any strings attached. Without resentment that she isn't changing in return.

Just do it because it is the right thing to do. You will (should?) sleep well at night knowing that you are doing the right thing, doing your part to improve your marriage, regardless of the outcome. After all, you can't control her.

I can't give you a timeframe of how long to wait until you see a change in her. I feel very strongly that you WILL see a change in her, however.

You have nothing to lose by trying this, so I urge to you consider giving it a shot.
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Postby Patriarch Verlch » Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:15 pm

Diamonds always gets the wife in the sack.

You have to be careful though, because she will want upgraded gifts. Its best to get her a gift you can afford, and work you way up as your income progresses.

Remember also that the precious metals part of a woman's brain is almost as big as the gossip center.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cubic_zirconia

Don't get the above link. It may fool her if you get a small stone encased in real gold, but if her friend sniffs it out you are doomed. She will toss them out the window of a moving car faster than you can say cheese. Or she will grind it up and serve it to you in a warm beer!!!!
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Postby tlescak » Fri Dec 08, 2006 12:59 pm

Scott & Elizacol-

Harboring resentment and anger is like picking up a hot coal to throw at an enemy. It will hurt you far worse than it will hurt them.

The only person in the world I can change is myself.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

I know all of this. But resentment is so damned hard to get rid of.

However in my stronger moments I find that my wife responds very well to not being pressured for sex and given space to make her own decisions. It's almost like I get the most sex when I have decided that I don't really care if I get any.
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Postby elizacol » Fri Dec 22, 2006 11:44 pm

tlescak wrote:But resentment is so damned hard to get rid of.



Darn right it is! But, once you let go, the feeling is amazing!
Try it 1 day at a time. Of course you are going to fail a day here or a day there, but 1 day at a time, starting over each day.

I even kept a log of my progress and set-backs, as it is hard to see the progress one is making. Before long, the progress outnumbered the setbacks.

Once I saw that, it spurred me to continue doing better.

With us, knowing my husband set aside his resentment as well, helped. What right did I have to hold onto MY resentment when he was letting go of his?

In a marriage, both parties hurt each other, whether intentional or not. Neither party is perfect. Remembering that is important.
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Postby ThunderHorse » Sat Dec 23, 2006 3:45 pm

The Book, Secrets of Happily Married Men, on Page 222, describes the 5 gears of foreplay. What gear are you stuck in? 1, Attention, Contact, limited caressing. 2, caressing, but not fondling. 3 Fondling and caressing, 4. fondling. 5. Doing it.

How do rejections occur?

What are your actions when rejected?

Do you have a time for re-approaching?

Dio you have a plan for sidestepping some rejctions? Do your sidesteps get blocked? How?

Do you have Step-down adjustments of your expectations? What are your starting expectations? What is your step-down sequence?

What are your massage and accupressure foreplay techniques? Which ones don't work for you? What is your timing and re-try effort sequence?

My theory is that making foreplay efforts will sink in, if I get rejected, as long as I pull back when I first get rejected. My woman will feel a desire building, and will start to long for my re-starting caressing, and regret that she asked me to stop. Women generally are good at changing their minds.
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gifts

Postby adrianna1973 » Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:28 pm

Lets say that you did get your wife a diamond. It is pretty and sparkly but would it say as much to her as a rose a week? I'm geussing probably not. SOme vidoe I saw made the point that women prefer consitency rather than grand gestures. Example: saving up and taking her on a cruise is not as good as small frequent gifts such as weekly flowers. By the same token, one rose a week is better than A dozen roses once a month. I think the vidoe was men are from mars, women are from venus. As a woman I know this is true for me. It is the thoughtfullnes that counts. I prefer that the gift not be the same everytime but really it is the consitent effort that gets me every time :wink:
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Re: How do you get a girl 'in the mood'

Postby AbagayleLee » Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:44 pm

"Simple question right? For a man, all you have to do is mention sex or touch him in the right parts, but how do you get a girl in the mood?"

Believe it or not, from the female point of view it's simple to get us in the mood too. You get us in the mood by appealing to our mind. You make a woman feel loved, secure, and beautiful and she'll be in the mood. If she doubts your love, feels insecure about the stability of your relationship, or feels unattractive in any way then she will not be in the mood.
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Re: How do you get a girl 'in the mood'

Postby ThunderHorse » Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:19 pm

Phrases to introduce the groundwork of approaching for making Love.

"I realize that ther are times that you are not in the mood to make love, but I wanted to let you kjnow, that I would like to know if you felt receptive, because it has been a few days for us, and I getting increasingly more in the mood. So I may approach you sometime soon, so just let me know if I have not selected the ideal time." I used this phrase a few days ago, and it worked to set the stage, for me to approach my wife, and for her to ask for a delay. So after a few postponements, we got it together.

This thread has enough wisdom to justify a bump.

I am certain that other people can come up with better phrases to set the stage.

"I really love you, and I want to be in love with you, so I want to appraoch you to make love with you, to enjoy your beauty."

//
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Re: How do you get a girl 'in the mood'

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:26 am

I am sometimes hesitant to ask my wife for what I desire, instead focuing on imagining what would brong pleasure to my wife.

So a couple of phrases to let my wife know of my desires, in a congenial manner, could be important to my pleasures.

"It would be fun for me, if you could ......, so I could ......"

"If you could change position so your hips were..., and your legs were....., then I could ....."

This post might also go under the "Taking Care of Yourself" section, but it involves Intimacy.




//
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