jeannie1061 wrote:My husband and I had yet another fight about chores. I just don't know how to handle my requests. Maybe you could help me with approaching him so he doesn't feel as if I am picking on him.
Here's a little history, we've been married a little over 4 years, dating for 2 prior to that. He has two daughters and I have a son. Stepfamilies are one of the most difficult environments to live in, but that's not what my post is about.
I cannot begin to tell you how insignificant my husband makes me feel. I will ask him to do X, I will not say anything, I will wait and wait and then we usually end up in an argument because he feels as if I am treating him like a child. I have been disappointed many times and he has just started coming around to doing what he said he would.
Here are a few examples: at Christmas I asked him to help with putting the light up reindeer outside, he said yeah, sure no problem. A week goes by and nothing, another week goes by and nothing. Now we are in the middle of an argument and I mention it and he stomps off and it does it at that moment just like a child. Just this week I explained to him that one of the bills is charging us extra for something we don't want. He says, let me get off the phone and call them. I ask him two days later if he did it and he says no. I wanted a fan installed in the kitchen, he said go buy and it and I will install it, he did. I appreciated him and thanked him. The fan was really his idea. The argument today was that I cooked dinner last night (totally exhausted from doctor's appt., locked my keys in my car door and worked) not in the mood to cook dinner at all, but did because my husband was hungry and he's important to me, my son did the dishes and husband said, well I guess I better take out the garbage. He didn't do it last night and I was concerned he wasn't going to do it today (garbage pick up today) and if wasn't done today and I said something after, we still would have had an argument - past experience or that yet again, I would have to do it myself.
He does laundry or cooks dinner or dishes on ocassion and it feels as if I must bow to him for helping out. I am the primary bread winner since much of his income goes towards child support and bills he brought to the marriage and I helped him with paying many of them off from an inheritance my father left me. I work full-time, I am mostly responsible for the chores around the house and my son helps also, but I have been told not to expect applause for cleaning the house.
I have no desire to be intimate with my husband, he doesn't make me feel important and that I am just a b*tch for saying something about something not being done.
Any suggestions would be helpful because I am tired of this circle.
Well, personally I think that us men have an unfair disadvantage. If women think they are equal to, and can do anything a man can do, why do they need child support and alimony?
Women were designed, I believe to be dependant on men. We were suppose to shoulder that responsibility and we did just that for thousands of years.
For some reason women wanted to leave the confines of their homes and work for and pay taxes to, the government. Rather than working on personal bonds and social networks that would benefit, not only her, but her hard working husband, in exchange for a life of servitude for a job chasing paper money.
I would suggest hiring out the cooking and cleaning if you don't want to do it.
All a man wants to do is have a helpless wife and to help her do things and then get his back rubbed in adoration. Try it some time.
Stage it, and just see how good he feels.
"Honey I can't get all that stuff high up off the shelf."
"I need my big strong husband."
Watch him do it, and then promise him all the sex he can handle later.
You have the keys to a happy marriage.
The problem is that women have been needling men for all the wrong things that women perceive all of men to do wrong. We are slobs, or don't listen to them, or blah blah.
We don't listen, because we are thinking about our next move in conquering the known world. Forming an army,aking all the gold and establishing ourselves as the next King of wherever kingdom. Not only that we tend to think 6 months into the future and worry about those days. Women tend to think about what is in front of them. Car seats, baths, showers and clean sheets. Which is exactly what we need.
I tell my wife, "I will take care of the big things, you take care of the little things."
In other words I will change the oil, spark plugs and a broken down car. You organize things so we don't like in a pile of dirt. ie vacuuming and sterilizing things.
I take out the garbage after she gathers all the little trash bins into one big garbage bag she can't lift. Then I step in and take charge.
Deep down a woman wants a man that she can't push around. Women needle us to ensure that we can protect them and to try and make us stronger. Perhaps we will work out more, or lift weights, so we can handle seven crack smokers that just invaded our home and are threatening to kill us with their imaginary weapons.
Women in America spend to much time thinking about their own happiness and forget their husbands have feelings, or that they even exist.
I'm sure there are some things you like about him. Point those out, and if you want something done that bad, do it yourself. Stop bossing around the very man you married. Pleased don't be one of these women that will let a man knock you up three times and then leave him because he isn't a good house wife.
Remember that single mother households produce 85% of the worlds criminals.