New to this site, but am finding it quite helpful.
Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 12:26 pm
My husband and I had yet another fight about chores. I just don't know how to handle my requests. Maybe you could help me with approaching him so he doesn't feel as if I am picking on him.
Here's a little history, we've been married a little over 4 years, dating for 2 prior to that. He has two daughters and I have a son. Stepfamilies are one of the most difficult environments to live in, but that's not what my post is about.
I cannot begin to tell you how insignificant my husband makes me feel. I will ask him to do X, I will not say anything, I will wait and wait and then we usually end up in an argument because he feels as if I am treating him like a child. I have been disappointed many times and he has just started coming around to doing what he said he would.
Here are a few examples: at Christmas I asked him to help with putting the light up reindeer outside, he said yeah, sure no problem. A week goes by and nothing, another week goes by and nothing. Now we are in the middle of an argument and I mention it and he stomps off and it does it at that moment just like a child. Just this week I explained to him that one of the bills is charging us extra for something we don't want. He says, let me get off the phone and call them. I ask him two days later if he did it and he says no. I wanted a fan installed in the kitchen, he said go buy and it and I will install it, he did. I appreciated him and thanked him. The fan was really his idea. The argument today was that I cooked dinner last night (totally exhausted from doctor's appt., locked my keys in my car door and worked) not in the mood to cook dinner at all, but did because my husband was hungry and he's important to me, my son did the dishes and husband said, well I guess I better take out the garbage. He didn't do it last night and I was concerned he wasn't going to do it today (garbage pick up today) and if wasn't done today and I said something after, we still would have had an argument - past experience or that yet again, I would have to do it myself.
He does laundry or cooks dinner or dishes on ocassion and it feels as if I must bow to him for helping out. I am the primary bread winner since much of his income goes towards child support and bills he brought to the marriage and I helped him with paying many of them off from an inheritance my father left me. I work full-time, I am mostly responsible for the chores around the house and my son helps also, but I have been told not to expect applause for cleaning the house.
I have no desire to be intimate with my husband, he doesn't make me feel important and that I am just a b*tch for saying something about something not being done.
Any suggestions would be helpful because I am tired of this circle.
Here's a little history, we've been married a little over 4 years, dating for 2 prior to that. He has two daughters and I have a son. Stepfamilies are one of the most difficult environments to live in, but that's not what my post is about.
I cannot begin to tell you how insignificant my husband makes me feel. I will ask him to do X, I will not say anything, I will wait and wait and then we usually end up in an argument because he feels as if I am treating him like a child. I have been disappointed many times and he has just started coming around to doing what he said he would.
Here are a few examples: at Christmas I asked him to help with putting the light up reindeer outside, he said yeah, sure no problem. A week goes by and nothing, another week goes by and nothing. Now we are in the middle of an argument and I mention it and he stomps off and it does it at that moment just like a child. Just this week I explained to him that one of the bills is charging us extra for something we don't want. He says, let me get off the phone and call them. I ask him two days later if he did it and he says no. I wanted a fan installed in the kitchen, he said go buy and it and I will install it, he did. I appreciated him and thanked him. The fan was really his idea. The argument today was that I cooked dinner last night (totally exhausted from doctor's appt., locked my keys in my car door and worked) not in the mood to cook dinner at all, but did because my husband was hungry and he's important to me, my son did the dishes and husband said, well I guess I better take out the garbage. He didn't do it last night and I was concerned he wasn't going to do it today (garbage pick up today) and if wasn't done today and I said something after, we still would have had an argument - past experience or that yet again, I would have to do it myself.
He does laundry or cooks dinner or dishes on ocassion and it feels as if I must bow to him for helping out. I am the primary bread winner since much of his income goes towards child support and bills he brought to the marriage and I helped him with paying many of them off from an inheritance my father left me. I work full-time, I am mostly responsible for the chores around the house and my son helps also, but I have been told not to expect applause for cleaning the house.
I have no desire to be intimate with my husband, he doesn't make me feel important and that I am just a b*tch for saying something about something not being done.
Any suggestions would be helpful because I am tired of this circle.