letting wife explore

[any14fun]

hi all, my wife and i have been together for 13 years and married for 8. like any relationship we were like rabbits for the first few years however we have since had kids (naturally) and since then on a couple of occassions she has screamed out during the motions that she has needed it deeper. now im only 5.5 inches and we have tried different positions to improve depth but with no massive succcess. i am only her thrid sexual partner and over the last few years have become very open minded to her have sex with another male so that she can feel more depth. i have explained my fellings to her and said that im more then happy for her to do it as long as i know and that id prefer to be there and that he would be uncovered. i have said that she is free to do what she wanted and even explore avenues that we havent. my wife once said that hse would consider it but now says that she feels i wouldnt cope if she enjoyed it and hearing her with another. i have tried to explain id be more then happy i just dont know how to get her to take the step

[socialdistortion]

Dear any14fun,

You can not possibly predict the outcome of such an act. While you seem to be a supporter of this now, you might end up the emotional victim of this act later. You say that you would be o.k. for her to have sex with another male as long as “I know and that id prefer to be there and that he would be uncovered”. This statement in itself shows that you are o.k. with it as long as it is on your terms. You sound like you have given a lot thought to the physical and situational part of this experience, but what about the long term danger of the emotional ripple effects of this act.

Seriously, what is the best possible outcome of acting on this fantasy? Could this onetime act have a long term positive impact on your relationship? Do you think seeing your wife with another man could improve your future sexual relationship with her? What if she said she liked it more than being with you? What if she wanted to act on this fantasy again? What would you do if you found out she wanted to continue a ‘friendship’ with this other man?

You say that your wife feels like you “wouldnt cope if she enjoyed it and hearing her with another”. I think YOU SHOULD TRUST HER WORDS! You are ultimately risking too much.

Best,

Social Distortion

[burtonone]

In my opinion, you feeling like you cannot sexually please your wife probably isn’t all that uncommon. Specifically you say that your size does not fulfill her needs, and you feel that it leads her to unhappiness. What I feel is that you may have to start to work harder. You really need to focus on the time you two have together, in that sexual setting. Take control, and show her what you are doing.
Dr. Haltzman stated in his “Secrets to Married Men” that, “Winning at sports requires hope, courage, spirit, pride, and perseverance. But above all, it requires skill. Champions beat out others by honing their talents and developing strategies to stay on top.” If you dissect every word in that statement and can somehow incorporate your actions with your wife in many emotional and sexually strong ways.
I recall you mentioning something about trying different positions and whatnot, but that doesn’t always work. The wrong position at the wrong time could make things awkward. Also your entire body language and the way you control yourself prior, during, and after intimacy can make her time much more worthwhile. It may take a lot of time of practice and perseverance, but if you enjoy having sexual relations with your wife and pleasing her, focusing on her is most important for you to do.
The only true advice I feel I can offer you is to go her everything you have got, even when you don’t got it (or so to say). And try to remember what Dr. Haltzman said which I previously mentioned. And a word of advice from myself, “It ain’t that size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.”