by psych1983 » Thu Dec 12, 2013 9:46 am
Being in an unhappy marriage can be confusing, stressful,and very painful. I hear your concern. You feel you are trying to do whats right, but yet everything still doesn't feel right. Sometimes space is what one can need, especially with there is no clarity to your feelings or emotions. Does your wife still loves you? or is she in love with you? What can you really say has changed in the 2 years you've been married? I bet those are the questions your trying to understand.
Author Robert Sternberg came up with the 3 main points to love; Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. There is an innate desire to have those three components within a relationship to hold on to a strong marriage. Dr.Scott Haltzman wrote a book called," The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity". In the book Dr. Haltzman validates each person's feelings and puts them into perspective, offering sound advice on how to recover their equilibrium and reestablish a committed, trust-filled relationship. This is what your looking for. Intimacy, filling desired, trusting your love one. Are the feelings returned? There will be a point were you will have to figure if your wife wants this marriage to works as well. It takes two, one can not carrying the load alone.
I myself have felt the lost of someone's desire at one point in my life. I will admit initially it was hard to consume, but eventually it allowed me to look within myself an see what I was lacking in respect within my on self- respect. Seeing within and allowing myself to feel loved by those who chose to love me aloud me to rebuild my confidence in finding true love myself. Intimacy, Loyalty, Commitment and Honesty is what I took from reading Dr. Scott books. It allowed me to understand what it truly means to love oneself as well as another.
You are a good person, because regardless of the fact you still care. Which shows compassion and loyalty on your side. As for as your wife, I would continue to give her the space she needs, but try to live your life too. Do not let the lack of enjoyment in these circumstances to effect your livelihood. Be a great father to your kids, and try your best to not allow any differences between your wife to affect your relationship with them. I hope I have been of some help to you and I wish you the best of luck!