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HI all,

Need some help, (I am 40yrs old) I have been married for 1yr and 2 months and I have not had sex with my wife in over 2 months. She always finds an excuse not to have sex, she has had some health issues and always uses that or shes to tired, or she can still hear the kids are awake... I think you get the picture. Here's my problem before we got married we had sex at least 4 times a week some weeks everyday. From the beginning I stressed to her that my expectations are at least 3 to 4 times a week and she agreed. We are currently having problems in our marriage, I keep telling her a large part of this is because we are not having sex. I feel it is completely unfair for her to shut me out like this.... I don't know how much longer I can take it.

P.S. I am so frustrated when I think about this, how can a woman expect a man to be faithful when this starts to happen... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Joey,

One of the quoted that I stress in my Secrets of Happily Married Men book is that the person with the lower sex drive has all the power in a relationship. I feel strongly that sex is an important part of marriage; in fact, it's the only part that you can't get from somebody else. So, you and I agree, but your wife doesn't. If if she does, then she agrees "in principle" but not in practice.

Ideally, your wife would read by Secrets of Happily Married Women book, especially the chapter called "Have Lots of Sex." But, if she hasn't, or thinks the chapter is not for her, let me ask you, have you read my chapter in the "Secrets of Happily Married Men" book called, "Understand the Truth about Sex"?

It may be worth taking a look at. (rather than attempt to repeat all my sage advice in this post.

Keep us posted (and thanks for your very good advice you gave to another forum member)

-Scott

What are the problems in your marriage, that you feel would vanish, if your wife was willing to have sex more often?

Are you willing to describe your cycles of foreplay and rejection?

There are two chapters in the Men's Secrets book on Listening. Are you listening to your wife at least 15 minutes per day?

There is a thread on listening skills in the Communications section. Listening is an early stage of foreplay, that is important for women. Many men do not make the effort to be enthusiastic about the early stages of foreplay for women.



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Hi,

I have the same problem with my wife. However, she tells me she loves me and I believe her.

Frank wrote:Hi,

I have the same problem with my wife. However, she tells me she loves me and I believe her.

Are you willing to share the sequences of your advances and her rejections?

On how many days this week have you interjected your opinions when giving your wife 15 Minutes of listening each day?

What compliments do you give her each week? Compliments for Wives under Communication.


http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=477


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Hello Joe, I understand from your post that you are experiencing sexual rejection from your wife of just over a year. You had a sexual relationship before the marriage that was mutually satisfying, and had the expectation that this would continue after the marriage. You have been rejected when initiating sexual relations over the past two months appear to be quite angry. You briefly mention that your wife has been experiencing some health issues.
It seems to me that you might find some common ground by following Dr. Scott’s advice on staying happily married. In his Secrets of a Happily Married Man , one of the things that he discusses is how to “learn to listen”. He says “Let your wife talk, and let her know that you are listening”. It seems to me that the one little thing that you tossed in about the fact that your wife is experiencing health issues could be the key to the problem. Have you listened to her concerning this problem? Have the two of you talked about how this issue may be impacting her and taking away from her sex drive? Spend some time discussing this point, as it will not only make her feel like you are dealing with this as a team, but it could also be the crux of the problem with your sexual relationship.
My Social Psychology Professor, Dr. Misiurski, points out that you need to have a “perceived equity and satisfaction” in the relationship. You are feeling cheated when it comes to your sexual relationship. You should try to find a non-confrontational way to bring up the issue before you are trying to seduce her and are rejected. If you begin the conversation while you are angry, it will not go well. Plan an intimate dinner for her, or take her somewhere to walk and talk together. Initiating a conversation outside of the bedroom takes the confrontation away from the space where you both need to feel warmth and intimacy, not anger and resentment. The fact that you had a mutually satisfying relationship before the marriage shows that it can be a part of the relationship that you have now. You both deserve the comfort and closeness that comes from that level of intimacy. It is easy to be sucked in to the whole “once you get married the sex is over” line that so many men tell one another. It takes some effort to maintain the lines of communication, but it definitely has the advantage of keeping the relationship alive, and with it, a more satisfying sex life.