Let me start by saying that I am new to this forum and ask for everyone's patience.
I have been married for just over a year now to a woman I have known for 8 years. I love her immensely.
We were married just a short time before our daughter was born, she is 1 now.
Over the past month we have been somewhat at each others throats just not really getting along.
We have a lot of stress relating to money and starting a business venture.
I have a lot to learn about conflict resolution and marriage in general but that is not my current prime issue.
On Tuesday she told me she would be staying at her sisters for a "while" and I felt as though it was sort of unprecedented.
So she is still there now but has been bringing our daughter over to be "babysat" which I am glad about.
Thursday was valentines day and I felt that if I did nothing for her she would be mad and it would be awkward to do something.
So I went out and got her flowers and something special and left it on the kitchen counter so she would see it without me being pushy.
Well she rejected the offering as I had thought she might.
But what blew me away was that she said to me that I was obviously in the wrong because, her words were "Do you realize you raped me"?
Now I hope to avoid all the obvious stereotypes by explaining the situation she was referring to and a little history.
I was almost asleep when she approached me and started to undress me with the intent to have sex.
We started and I made her orgasm with my fingers, at which point I indicated I wanted to try anal.
we have been experimenting with anal for a few months now but have not gone to far with it. although she quite often tells me she wants to have anal sex and then just lets my get inside of her and then fingers herself.
On this night I got further inside of her and started to repeatedly penetrate her. she flinched in pain a few times and did in fact tell me to stop twice but I took that to mean stop moving for the moment, normally when she feels uncomfortable proceeding she is very direct in her assertion for me to stop.
We are quite adventurous in bed but as of yet have not gotten into the practice of using a safe word, as I mentioned she normally is quite direct for me to stop and I always respect that. she and I have on many occasions engaged in a rape type fantasy but never ever anything to real, and I know she does not like pain so I would never hurt her.
I feel as though this stems more from our inability to relate lately than her actually believing I raped her.
I don't know how I would live with myself if I truly could be considered a rapist, spousal rape is terrible, she even said I should get help in this area, though I really don't feel it is an ongoing problem or at least I can't imagine it has been. she is normally more adventurous than me.
But it is of course a very sensitive issue, and if she truly feels that I raped her I feel horrified that I could hurt her emotionally in that way.
I feel that her feeling in this matter is the reality of it, if she believes that than it is true. I just feel sick, I don't want to lose my wife she is beautiful, intelligent and I love being with her. not to mention our daughter and all of the time we have been together. I am really just at my wits end she is being civil but almost too much so I feel more disconnected from her than ever in my life. I don't want to loose my wife.
I Just hope someone has some advice and I hope that she is not already lost.
thank you for any time spent in my aid.