The top three things YOU need?
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Posted:
Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:16 pm
by Pat905
To all the men in bad marriages, as the subject suggests, what are the top three ( or four or five...) things that you need from your wife/marriage to turn it all around? Or in other words, what is the minimum that needs to happen for you to be happy again?
I often think about this. I think " hi honey" and a smile when I walk through the door might do it.
Re: The top three things YOU need?
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Posted:
Sat Sep 07, 2013 3:10 am
by ThunderHorse
Pat905 wrote:To all the men in bad marriages, as the subject suggests, what are the top three ( or four or five...) things that you need from your wife/marriage to turn it all around? Or in other words, what is the minimum that needs to happen for you to be happy again?
I often think about this. I think " hi honey" and a smile when I walk through the door might do it.
Wishing, visualizing, gentle approach massaging, can be important steps in marital relations. Re-approaching, compliments, invitation to express her feelings. Imagining what areas of her receptivity might be best.
Being in touch with what I want most is a nice beginning point.
Re: The top three things YOU need?
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Posted:
Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:30 pm
by CuddleBud17
I went through something very similar to this a couple of months ago. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and finally decided to live together for about a year when one day I woke up and thought to myself, “I am not in love like before”. I decided to move out because I just was not happy with where my relationship was at that moment. I sat for hours trying to figure out how we could be happy again but came up with nothing. I felt like the spark was gone and could not be brought back. The situation was handled very poorly, but at that moment I felt as if I had stayed we would just be pretending to be happy again. I later realized that the problem wasn’t falling out of the love, but that I just needed more attention from my significant other. The little things do count, so let me ask you this…. Are you paying enough attention to your wife or is she paying enough attention to you?
In my psychology class I learned a lot about relationships that I would have never even thought of. Most people think and say that opposites attract but my psychology professor taught us that opposites do not attract, they divorce. Yes, opposites attract in certain characteristics but when it comes to your true values, opposites divorce. We also learned about Dr. Scott Haltzman which I found to be very helpful because right now my partner and I after being apart for 4 months decided to try and work things out again. Dr. Haltzman says that the first step in being a happily married man is making marriage your job.
If you use your work skills in your marriage, Dr. Haltzman believes that you will be more adequate when managing marital problems. You will consider all options before acting on a problem; you will use long- range planning and listen more actively. Every couple must learn to expect conflict, but it’s how you deal with them that you must learn. Learn to listen to your wife and know that what works for you might not always work for her. You say that you wish a smile when walking in will do that trick but you need to figure out what it is that she needs. Dr. Haltzman says that being a happily married man means regularly and constantly demonstrating your love to your wife.
I am sure that you treat strangers kindly so that they may think highly of you and treat you well in return. So why not apply that principle to your wife at home. I know that being in a relationship where you just feel unhappy and don’t know what to do is awful but you have to work hard and remember what it was that made you fall in love in the first place. Spend some time alone, plan out a romantic evening. Figure out what it is that she likes to do on her pare time and do it for her or with her. Show her that she is still your priority and you will do anything to make her happy. Remember that it takes two people to build a happy home so if she is also not putting in any effort into the relationship you might need to talk things out with her and tell her what she needs to do as well. Best of luck to you!
“Just like your job, your marriage has many rewards” – Dr. Scott Haltzman.