Newlywed husband has low sex drive

Newlywed husband has low sex drive

Postby Darcy » Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:42 am

I've been with my husband for four and a half years, married for just over 12 months. When we first got together we had a really active sex life, but since we tied the knot all that has changed. Sex has gradually got less and less and now it's grinding to a humiliating halt. If we do have sex, which is once every two weeks (if I don't initiate it) it's perfunctory and awkward. It's like he sort of goes throught he motions to get it over with, which is incredibly upsetting and degrading for me. I've tried talking to him about it and we've even had marriage counselling but being a very polite (and dare I say it, slightly repressed) kind of guy he earnestly apologises (don't apologise!! It makes me feel even worse!) and then hastily brushes it under the carpet.

The other issue is that since getting married, he has lost all interest in being adventurous in the bedroom. I'm not talking anything kinky, but just keeping things fresh and exciting. When I broached the topic with him and said I was a bit bored with what we've been doing, he said that now I'm his wife he feels a bit weird about spicing things up. It's almost like he was saying 'we're a married couple, so the fun stops in the bedroom'. The thought of that is like a daggar through my heart as I'm only 32 and the idea of having boring sex once a fortnight for the rest of my life would kill me (or push me to have an affair!)

Before anyone suggests he's having an affair, I'm certain it's not that. He's really not that sort of guy. Whether it's down to me physically, I can't say for sure. He has admitted his attraction to me isn't as 'intense as it was when we first got together' (ouch!) but he says that he still have desire for me. And, without wanting to sound big-headed, I'm an attractive girl and I work out five times a week and have a good body, so I'm fairly sure he's telling the truth and is not replused by me.

I've tried all the usual stuff - naughty underware and romantic weekends away and while that does help in the short-term, it seems as though he doesn't really have that much interest in sex in the long-term. Honestly, I think if we could live together as companions (we get on incredibly well and have the same interests), having no sex, he would be fine with that. Unfortunately I'm not and it's driving me insane.

One thing I do wonder is that I might have been putting pressure on him regarding his career. He is quite a laid back guy and has not sought promotions or pay rises in the past. Since we have been married I have been encouraging him to get his act together career wise, and I wonder if this has had a negative effect on his libido. Of course, it's the easiset thing in the world to say 'well stop doing that and the sex will come back' but at the same time I do feel it is important for me to push him as him staying in a crummy job with crummy pay will effect both of us in the long-term.

I guess I'm just really looking for some advice about how to handle this. If anyone has had a similar experience, please can you share your thoughts.
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Re: Newlywed husband has low sex drive

Postby ThunderHorse » Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:47 pm

A subtitle in Chapter one of the SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED WOMEN, is "Men Need Acknowledgement for Their Efforts."

Is it possible that your husband is getting the idea that you do not appreciate him going to work regularly?

What does your husband say about his current job?

Are there expenses that could be reduced to take pressure off the family budget?

How important is it to you, to upgrade the family budget?

What do your friends/family say about your husband's job? When you were engaged, did you tell your friends that your husband's job was just a stepping stone? What are your family's expectations?

How can you give recognition to the efforts your husband makes to keep his current job?

Does your husband like to take evening classes?

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