Don't know what happened?

Don't know what happened?

Postby justtrying » Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:36 am

My wife and I have been together 14 years and married 10. She had 3 kids from a previous marriage when we met and we have 2 kids together. We have always had a good relationship. Minor arguments, but always worked through them. We have had some rough patches also, but have stuck together through them. I admit sometimes I have not been the most romantic husband or show alot of affection. But for the past few years I have been getting better. I have always been there for my wife though. I have stood by her through everything. I have raised her kids like they are my own. About 6 months ago something changed in her. She became very distant from me. It came about the same time her youngest from the first marriage graduated. At first I thought it was just her being sad about him graduating and moving out. But it has not gotten any better. We are both in our early 40's. I started to think possibly early menopause. She has had some of the symptoms. Our sex life has always been good. Before the changes started, it was really good. Now it is non existent. I have tried talking about the relationship problems, but she just gets mad and says she does not know what is wrong. She says she is still attracted to me and loves me. We seem to fight alot lately. I have always helped her with house work. I have really picked up alot of slack with that lately because she works nights from home and I know she gets tired. The sex thing isn't really that important. But I just feel lately like she doesn't appreciate me. She just seems to complain about little things that irritate her. I have told her that if she would just say that she loves me and just needs me to be there for her and that she really appreciates me, it would help. She won't talk about her feelings at all. Sometimes I feel like she just wants me there to take care of the kids so she can work. Her job has become the main priority for her. I have no idea where I am in her priorities. She said she does not want to separate or divorce because of the kids. She has been down that road and does not want to put herself or the kids through that again. I have suggested counseling and that got shot down. All I do now is keep praying for us and for God to give me strength. I have no one to talk to and have no idea what to do. I have been reading alot of marriage help books and trying to apply these things to my marriage to help improve it. As long as I just give her space and don't talk about our relationship problems, everything seems fine. But as soon as I bring up one thing, we don't speak to each other much. And the tension starts again. It has really been hard on my self esteem. I have really had to work hard on keeping strong for myself. I am now on antidepressants because of my panic attacks and anxiety. I just wish I could have my wife back! I miss my wife and friend!
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Re: Don't know what happened?

Postby Scott Haltzman » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:58 pm

From reading what you wrote, I don't know what happened either! It looks like a switch got turned off. And it sounds like you've tried to address it, even took the time to read self help books (what guy does that!). The answer she gives is kind of crappy also, that she's just staying not to mess up the kids, but makes no effort to find a way to make it better. If she's not involved with someone else, then all you can do is be the best husband than you can. Sometimes women will view your neediness (e.g. need for affection, need for validation, need for affirmation) as a burden and "extra work" for them. In those cases, a guy will often have to put off getting his needs met. I feel for you, man.
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Re: Don't know what happened?

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun Nov 23, 2014 3:21 pm

I ask my wife for appreciation. "Could you tell me you appreciate me going to work today?" "Could you thank me for taking out the trash?" Usually, I get a positive response of some kind. Sometimes even a Kiss!

Any compromises for the physical side of love?

How are your listening skills?

Threads Under communications:

Compliments for Wives
My wife is hyper critical, please help
Listening Strategies for Men
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