Wife Hates Me

[marriedindc]

wife and i has had a rough year. i made all the stupid mistakes i read here. fustration, leadung to anger, leading to fights (last blow up was a month ago im still at home but it aint going right her dirty looks at me kills me), leading to grief. i dont know what to do anymore but i know that i love my wife and three daughters very much. she wants me to leave and i guess i have no choice but to do so. i cant talk to her because it is really emotional right now. i know i am the blame for the marriage failing and have to deal with it. i have quit drinking (didnt really having a problem quitting and is helping me to feel better because drinking made me feel worse)and have enrolled myself for counseling due to what i beleive is depression. no matter what i do its wrong. i feel real down beacuse i am the source of her unhappiness (wish i could be the one to make her happy but im not the one). i guess i have to suck it up and leave but its hard. i hope counseling helps me get in touch with myself. i pray to god for her to heal and for my sanity. i just wish i wasnt a bad husband. all of our daughters are straight A students so i try my best but i guess i am not good enough for her. while i heard and seen worse than what we are going through never the less we are going through it. this maybe best for me because i have been feeling neglected for some time. its hard for me right now. i pray that everyday i dont try to talk or fix it because right now i cant and im hurting bad. i apologized and i sincerely hope that god will heal her heart. as for me i guess a life of lonliness is my destination. im such a bad person, i dont like myself, and i feel like the biggest failure, i am ashamed that i failed my family as a husband. i will continue to pray and i have faith that god is with me, but its hard after 15 years to know that she value her friendships more than me. im hurting, confused, fustrated and angry, i am going to miss my home, my daughters and wife, i failed as a husband and i guess i have to lay in my bed as a failure. she says she loves me but she just wants me to leave.

feel free to comment

[elizacol]

I'm sorry you are going thru this. There is always hope. Do you want to save your marriage? Do you think you have the strength to make some serious changes, for the sake of your marriage? Think about that and let me know.

As for it being all your fault...it isn't, and I think you know that, deep down. It takes 2. Own up to your mistakes. Let the others be...they are your wife's to worry about.

Let me know your thoughts. Do you want to save your marriage?

[marriedindc]

yes i want to save our marriage. just dont know how or if she is willing, in fact she said she is unwilling and i have to take responsibility for my actions that has lead us to this point. i am in a brand new world right now. cant get my thoughts off the prospect of separation. the words never come out proper. did myt first counseling session last wednesday and was told by the threapist that i am not suffering from depression and that i am a strong individual but very much saddened by my family situation (and that it is because i love my wife why i get gurt, angry and fustrated just not expressing it properly)which made me feel better (that im not going crazy). i have been exercising everyday for an hour per doctors order. Took the children to the beach yesterday. i have faith god is making me better person and a better mate.

enjoyed your comments want to hear more.

[marriedindc]

to be more specific to the posted question

yes i want to save our marriage
yes i am willing to make serious changes
yes i am willing/and living with my bad decisions

[Coder]

Yaknow, there are some things we can control, and some we can't. You can control yourself.

You can make yourself a great person. You can change careers through night-school, you can get in shape, etc.. Sounds like your doing some of these now by going to a therapist. That's awesome!

Look, do you best to keep your family together, but remeber, first and most importantly, it's about the kids. Do your best to keep them from feeling the affects of what goes on between you guys. It's hard, and in some cases impossible, but swallow your pride when you can, give more ground in comprimise than would be typical, for the kids.

If you still end up out of the marriage, make yourself the best future husband anyone could have. It's easy to find reasons why you can't be the dream dad/husband you want to be.. Just keep remembering that.. you have to do it, not just want to be it.

And, if you do end up seperated.. Make your life about being the best Dad you can... Find joy in those kids, make yourself a great futurue husband and things may come back together, or a new partner will emerge.

Just use this as the reason to make yourself the husband, provider, parent, partner, friend you dreamed was too impossible to be.

[ThunderHorse]

Dear Married in DC,

You say you have made mistakes. You apparently know what the mistakes were, and you are trying to avoid making those mistakes again. What mistakes are you working on avoiding now?

You say your wife is not treating you as wall as you would like, but you do not really give any specific requests of steptwise asking your wife be more congenial. What little steps could you ask for from your wife. How does she treat yo uin front of your daughters? Could she be more respectful in front of the girls?

You do not list specific activities that you could do to build Love from your wife.

There are some easy appraches to building Love in the Secrets book. Any that you think might be meaningful to your wife?

Have you taken your wife out to a restaurant and listened to her ideas oaf what she wants? Let her talk about divorce or separation or whatever she wants to talk about. If it hurst, ask her to change the subject, but keep listening.

How are your listening skills? What courses have you taken? What books have you read?

What parenting courses or DVD's have you watched wtih your wife? The fact that they are straight A students, does not mean there will be no guidance needed. Your wife throwing you out is a terrible example of how to have a successful marriage. Also poor examples of discipline in avoiding drugs, alchol and pregnancy. Her pushing for separation is going to affect the whole range of respect for various types of authority.


.

[jamespacheco]

I have just separated from my wife, by her choice. For the last several months, she has been very angry with me...very distant. Back in July, she said she wants to separate. She won't be in the same room with me, won't asnwer the phone when I call home to talk to the kids. It's been tough, so I know what you're going through. I am told to give her space and work on my issues and the junk I brough to the marriage. I am hanging in there and giving her space. I just moved this past Saturday, so it's still fairly new. I know I miss her and my kids and want this to work. All I can do is be patient, have faith, and give her space.