wife and i has had a rough year. i made all the stupid mistakes i read here. fustration, leadung to anger, leading to fights (last blow up was a month ago im still at home but it aint going right her dirty looks at me kills me), leading to grief. i dont know what to do anymore but i know that i love my wife and three daughters very much. she wants me to leave and i guess i have no choice but to do so. i cant talk to her because it is really emotional right now. i know i am the blame for the marriage failing and have to deal with it. i have quit drinking (didnt really having a problem quitting and is helping me to feel better because drinking made me feel worse)and have enrolled myself for counseling due to what i beleive is depression. no matter what i do its wrong. i feel real down beacuse i am the source of her unhappiness (wish i could be the one to make her happy but im not the one). i guess i have to suck it up and leave but its hard. i hope counseling helps me get in touch with myself. i pray to god for her to heal and for my sanity. i just wish i wasnt a bad husband. all of our daughters are straight A students so i try my best but i guess i am not good enough for her. while i heard and seen worse than what we are going through never the less we are going through it. this maybe best for me because i have been feeling neglected for some time. its hard for me right now. i pray that everyday i dont try to talk or fix it because right now i cant and im hurting bad. i apologized and i sincerely hope that god will heal her heart. as for me i guess a life of lonliness is my destination. im such a bad person, i dont like myself, and i feel like the biggest failure, i am ashamed that i failed my family as a husband. i will continue to pray and i have faith that god is with me, but its hard after 15 years to know that she value her friendships more than me. im hurting, confused, fustrated and angry, i am going to miss my home, my daughters and wife, i failed as a husband and i guess i have to lay in my bed as a failure. she says she loves me but she just wants me to leave.
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