Wife hates me but doesn't want to separate

Wife hates me but doesn't want to separate

Postby Sj927 » Fri Jan 08, 2016 1:20 pm

My wife and I have been together for 6 years, she has one previous child that is now 17 yrs old and we have a toddler together. Everything was fine up until we had our son which is almost 4 now. I recently just finished 5 yrs of active duty in the marine corps and the last 3 years we have lived separately just because it was easier for her and the kids. So now, I'm home for good, instead of just 2 times a year for a couple weeks each time. And everything I do is wrong, we have had sex twice in the last 40 days since I've been home and it was just pity sex. No matter what I do or don't do, she does not want to have sex with me. Now, I'm not perfect, a little over a year ago I had an affair and I brought this up to her thinking she's want a divorce, instead she wouldn't stop having sex with me for the whole 2 weeks I was home. We've never had so much sex, it's like she relied what the problem was and she wanted nothing other than to make me happy again and save our marriage but then the next time I come home it is like this all over again. It's like she only wants me if someone else does. So because of what i did to her, I let a lot of things slide because no one should ever have an affair in a marriage. With that said I have tried doing everything I can for her, I do the dishes, laundry, give our son baths and I play with all day and feed him so that she can gain some sanity back. I put him to bed as much as I can. I let her leave the house alone so she doesn't have to drag a child everywhere. But everything I do just pisses her off beyond belief. And the things she screams at me about she does her self like disciplining our child or not saying certain words or the way I drive, eat, sleep, walk, talk. I don't get it, there I things that bother me about her and I tell her the first time so she knows what I think and than I just let it be because I don't really worry about her snoring, or the spaghetti that's still on her plate when she puts in the sink, or when she leaves used tissues everywhere she goes. Now she says she hates me, plenty of times, but she doesn't want a divorce and doesn't want to make things better between us. It's like she wants to be miserable. I need advice please.
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Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2016 1:06 pm

Re: Wife hates me but doesn't want to separate

Postby Louisvilleflower » Sat Jan 16, 2016 9:44 am

My soon to be ex husband had affairs, so I am going to tell how I felt about similar issues in my own circumstances.
People stop having sex for a lot of reasons. I became disinterested because I felt abandoned, unloved and unappreciated within my marriage. When you feel that way, and your partner initiates sex, you feel like you are being used - not like they are trying to connect or reestablish intimacy.
As for the sex post affair disclosure, that was probably about her trying to reassure herself that she is still desirable. And about her proving to herself that she is at least as good as the other woman. When I found about about affairs, my self esteem took a huge blow. I even contemplated having an affair myself just to reassure myself that I was attractive. I think that you are probably trying to make reparations by doing things around the house that you didn't do previously. I need to ask why you didn't do those things before. And if you expressed appreciation for the all of the things that she did.
You need to ask your wife to go to counseling. And you need to find out what you can do to re establish trust.
You also need to consider the possibility that things are too broken to fix.
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