Scheduling

[elizacol]

Glad to hear about the happy turn of events. I think we, as women, don't understand the 'need' that men have. We truly don't get it, just like men can't truly 'get' some things about women.

We don't have to understand it, we just have to know it exists and be willing to meet our partner half way.

My H and I went through a rough spot, but it had less to do w/sex than w/ the emotional stuff he needed (need to feel appreciated, etc.).

After our rough year, I never turn him down if he is in the mood. I initiate a lot more (probably more than he does!!). Funny thing is, I could still live w/out it, but I know he can't, so I don't make him.

I just have to laugh...the feelings he gets from intimacy truly do stay with him into the next day and beyond. He'll make some comment about "Wasn't last night great?" and I'll have to stop and think, was it that great? It seemed pretty routine to me. But, I'll always answer in the affirmative. I know it just means so much more to him than it does to me.
And I always try hard to make it different in some way, shape, or form, so that it never gets boring for him. Again, I could care less, but it means a lot to him.

We aren't intimate everyday, but I know if he wanted to, I would because I know how happy it makes him.

Like I said, I wish women would 'get' this. I didn't get it until I read Dr. Laura's book. She explains it really well.

Congratulations and kudos to your wife for the growth she has made.

I know you felt justified in going elsewhere, but I do hope that you try each and everyday to make up to her the hurt you likely caused her. Just as she is making up for her past faults and the hurt she caused by accomodating you each and everyday.

Just as she couldn't have possibly known the hurt she caused you by not accomodating your needs as often as you needed, you will never know (or atleast I hope you will never know) the depths of the pain that infidelity causes.

Spiel over.

[Marmike600]

I am 26 years old and newly married. We have been together for 3 years and every part of our life together is good except for our sex life.

My wife has almost no libido at all and if it does come into her mind to do anything it is always when there is no way that we can do anything. By the time we get somewhere that we can, the moment has passed and she is not interested.

As a 26 year old man, it really hurts to be turned down so darn much. I have found myself flirting with women at work simply because it is the only way that I get any kind of feeling of worth, that Im wanted, that Im attractive.

When we do have sex, it has turned into a always in the bed and always the same way kind of thing. We used to tie each other up, dress up, role play, you name it. Now nothing.

I even try all the self help articles. I try to text her or call her throughout the day with little teases or flirtations like we used to all the time. All I get back is "Silly" or "Hornball" or even worse "What are we doing for dinner tonight" (completely changes the subject)

Even the little tricks of lightly kissing the back of her neck or nibbling her ear dont work because she is "tickleish"(sp?) everywhere.

I send her flowers at work because she likes making the other girls jealous, I suprise her with weekend jaunts to her favorite wineries to go wine tasting, I cook her gourmet meals(am actually going to culinary arts school), I have bought her everything she has ever mentioned wanting ( I listen when she says it and make a note). Nothing romantic I do seems to be good enough or seems to do anything for her.

I have discussed it with her before but she tells me that she doesnt know why and it is frustrating to her too, but she just doesnt do anything about it.

I truely wish that my wife could put herself in my shoes like yours did Ted. I just dont know how to get her there.

HELP

[Scott Haltzman]

Marmike,

The most encouraging thing I am hearing is, at least, that you're talking about it. M

Men are told how romance and making wives feel loved are important. But I think most "experts" stop short of telling women that making love with her husband is important. It is. It's a point I try to get across whenever I meet with people, in person or in groups.