Glad to hear about the happy turn of events. I think we, as women, don't understand the 'need' that men have. We truly don't get it, just like men can't truly 'get' some things about women.
We don't have to understand it, we just have to know it exists and be willing to meet our partner half way.
My H and I went through a rough spot, but it had less to do w/sex than w/ the emotional stuff he needed (need to feel appreciated, etc.).
After our rough year, I never turn him down if he is in the mood. I initiate a lot more (probably more than he does!!). Funny thing is, I could still live w/out it, but I know he can't, so I don't make him.
I just have to laugh...the feelings he gets from intimacy truly do stay with him into the next day and beyond. He'll make some comment about "Wasn't last night great?" and I'll have to stop and think, was it that great? It seemed pretty routine to me. But, I'll always answer in the affirmative. I know it just means so much more to him than it does to me.
And I always try hard to make it different in some way, shape, or form, so that it never gets boring for him. Again, I could care less, but it means a lot to him.
We aren't intimate everyday, but I know if he wanted to, I would because I know how happy it makes him.
Like I said, I wish women would 'get' this. I didn't get it until I read Dr. Laura's book. She explains it really well.
Congratulations and kudos to your wife for the growth she has made.
I know you felt justified in going elsewhere, but I do hope that you try each and everyday to make up to her the hurt you likely caused her. Just as she is making up for her past faults and the hurt she caused by accomodating you each and everyday.
Just as she couldn't have possibly known the hurt she caused you by not accomodating your needs as often as you needed, you will never know (or atleast I hope you will never know) the depths of the pain that infidelity causes.
Spiel over.