by SouthernGuy » Wed Jan 02, 2008 11:14 pm
I can understand how your guy might be feeling. I have two kids of my own (both teenagers now) but I remember what it was like, especially with the first one.
It was a BIG surprise to me when my son was born! I knew he was there for those nine months, but I really didn't understand what that meant until I saw him. You have been living with your baby for seven months now -- the morning sickness, the cravings, the heartburn, the pressing on your bladder. To you, the baby is real; to your boyfriend, the little one is still just an idea, a concept. He hasn't been 'living with' the baby, he has been observing you being pregnant. He doesn't really know what it means to be a father, and he won't for about two more months.
You say you are seven months pregnant, and the sex stopped at about five months. That would be about when you started really showing, and the baby began visibly moving around. You may have even excitedly told him to put his hand on your tummy and feel it kick!
Guess what? That's when he figured out there really was another living being not more than five inches away from his hand, that far from him. There's another person there -- for real!
So now you want your guy to get intimate with you and place another, more sensitive and private part of his anatomy just a few centimeters away from that human being. You want him to do something personal and private with the baby *right there*. The same personal, private, and intimate thing that from about your kid's age of five to fifteen will make you lock your door so that the two of you won't die of embarrassment by having your son or daughter walk in and see (or hear) you 'do it'.
You may say to yourself, "But the baby doesn't know what's going on! The baby is unaware; he doesn't really feel anything different from me walking around all day; she doesn't have the brain power to understand what sex is." Doesn't matter. That's not what your guy is thinking; that's not how he's feeling.
And by seven months, he's also probably thinking that if he pushes too hard, he can cause your water to break. Don't laugh! It may seem unlikely, but in his mind it could happen! I thought that way!
I have a solution for you, and I hope it works.
First, accept the fact that your boyfriend is not rejecting you. He still loves you and he still desires you, but his psychology is all screwed up. Second, appreciate the fact (and if you are religious, even praise God for it) that you have such a wonderful and sensitive guy because he is already loving and caring about his child, and forming a fatherly attachment to it, even though in his mind the baby is still just an 'it' -- an intellectual proposition. (A caveman boyfriend would think, "Who cares about the kid? I want sex!")
So I would ask you to take the lead and be sensitive for his sake, and realize he needs your support and encouragement right now. When you get in bed -- and he's probably turned away from you, right? -- rub his back. Touch him where he likes to be touched. Do the things that give him pleasure first without worrying about if you will get pleasure in return. (He's done that for you in the past, hasn't he?)
And when he's turned on, encourage him -- gently -- to give it a try. If you are seven months, then side-by-side is probably the best approach anyway. That may also help, because some guys are turned off by the large stomach of a pregnant woman. (Sorry! It's true.)
Keep it slow and comfortable. If he wants to stop, let him; and check periodically to make sure he is still okay with it. He will probably nervously ask at least once if he is hurting you!
And the last piece of good news: as I recall with my wife, at seven months your sexual excitement and pleasure may take alot less coaxing than at normal times. So some slow, gently nudging may be one of your most pleasant sexual memories for years to come, if you can convince him to give it a try.
Hope this helps,