Spouse claims I have no libido

[Fustratedspouse]

My husband claims I have no libido. We have three children, been married for 15 years. This has been an on going issue for some time now. Always his complaint is my lack of enthusium. I told him I am not going to get into the porno role everytime we have sex. Right now he is out of town on business, and came in last weekend for a family (bootie call) visit before flying back out to DC again.
I have been playing single mommy for over a month. Our youngest is 19 months and had our first case of croup ever, our older children are 11 and 9, the weekend before he came back. Now I went out and got some sexy lingerie,a nice corset and little thong that I wore under my clothes to pick him up at the airport. Now I was feeling sexy but tired. I had been up at 5:30 all week to exercise before getting the kids up for school and getting to work myself. So while I was definatly into it, his 20 questions about what was wrong was very distracting, he does that alot during sex.
So now I have this letter asking me to see a counsilor about our lack of sex life. He has had a problem with premature ejaculation in my opinion for years, so he does not last long but I try to make the most of it. But he insists that I lack all enthusiam for sex and that I have a problem. But the way I see it, he was out of work for three long years while I was the only one working to support us, oh and our birth control failed, so I had another baby too. I am now trying to get us ready for a state to state move on my own while he does trainging in DC, where he goes to bed by 9pm and has nothing but work which closes down early, it a government job. I am up early and to bed late, trying to play both roles with not relief in sight, and trying to find a home for us in our new state. While packing up our entire home here.
So as you see I have no stress and sit around eaitng bon bon's all day while the nanny cares for the children, LOL, as if. Then he comes hom and tells me I was cold all weekend. Why is it that men want a pron star in bed every night. I want one too, but I don't get one, and I can only put the act on for so long and so many times before it is totally boring for me.
Anyone think therapy is really going to help here? If I am the only one involved? He does not take well to the mirror, gets very defensive at any sugggestion that he might do some improving himself.
Any suggestions, comments, and I just a total bitch for thinking I am not the only one at fault here?
Sorry guys but I am fustrated after listening to this for so long now and I am tired of hearing the same complaint, but getting no effort on his part to make things better. I mean I have never had an orgasm with the man, and I don't blame him, but he thinks I am holding out on him somehow. But he takes direction so personally that it is impossible not to end sex in a fight. So I have stopped trying there, it's too painful.
Please any help is better then floundering alone for another 15 years.

[randy]

i'm sorry to hear that this is frustrating for you. i am a husband with much the same problem. i simply don't seem to have much interest in sex. admittedly, we have gone through some difficult times in our marriage, but we've also hung in there for 37 years, so we must have a bit of feeling for each other. we have 2 grown daughters, we live in a beautiful area at the beach, we have a nice home and the girls come often, especially in the summer, to enjoy the ocean. we have a life together worth saving.

however, our intimacy is no more frequent than 2 or three times a year. i'll repeat that: 2 or three times a year. i could blame it on age, we're both just over 60, but it has been like this for years and years, since our daughters were kids. i could blame it on lack of appeal, but she cares for herself, still looks great in a bathing suit at the beach, is just graying a bit at the temples and it looks classy and appealing, and she has great legs. i could blame it on booze, but i haven't had a drink in 23 years.

i wish i had some magic words for you, but i need some myself. i just thought it might help you to know that there are other people out there with broken libidoes -- and not all of them are women.

good luck,

randy