She says she has lost her feelings for me

[Colorado]

My wife and I have been married 3 1/2 years. We never fought had a great sex life and things were great. Then she started back to school, finances got tight, and the stress levels went up. Recently we had our first major disagreement and she blew up at me. She told me that I had been neglecting her and rebuking her affections. I listened, apologized and told her that I wanted to repair the situation but by now she doesn't even want to be near me. She has stopped showing me any affection (we used to say I love you at the end of each phone call), stays away from home (used to be together a great deal) as long as she can to avoid me. I am starting to get a handle on this but I still have a good deal of hurt that I am trying to let go of. (Don't get me wrong, I know I caused this to start with due to my neglect of her needs.) I have made mistakes in the relationship and she has admitted to them as well and we have started counseling. It has been helpful so far and I am doing everything I can think of to give her space and let her figure things out. I am hoping that there are others out there who have been through similar situations who can share positive outcomes with me to give me a bit of boost in the morale dept. I love my wife very much and have no desire to end our marriage or ever be with anyone else.
I would appreciate your comments.

[lostintranslation]

I think it is her going back to school, seeing lots of younger, not married kids who seem to have no responsibilities. Then you two have money stress at home. Add it all up and it seems she is jealous of the life she probably used to have before she married.


I suggest you take her out and show her how much fun married life can be. There are lots of budget minded things, picnics, walks, anything to get her out and focused on something else besides money and the perception of being trapped in marriage. You have to become her best friend again, she has probably found a few girlfriends at school that go out a lot that she is jealous of or she might want to go out with them.

[AbagayleLee]

Around 3 years is when that gushy, lovey-dovey feeling starts to wear off. We women take this very personally and at first tend to think that it means we're out of love. She needs to know the truth, that you didn't intentionally neglect your marriage but that you got busy and distracted. This will help her to stop interrupting your past actions as an assault against her. Around 3 years when things started to cool off in my marriage, my husband really took the lead by surprising me all the time. He would book us little weekend get aways several times a year. We love the movies and would go twice each weekend. Anytime our town or neighboring towns had a little carnival or festival of some sort we'd go. If he could tell that I was starting to feeling low on his priority list, he would pick up my favorite candy bar on the way home from work.

There are 2 major things that men can do to show a woman that they love them that really hit home to us: 1) take care of us without making us feel silly, stupid, or helpless and 2) show us that you know and care about the things we like. An example of number 1 is to start keeping her car filled up with gas for her. It is so great when a man takes charge with this gas so we don't have to mess with going to a gas station ourselves. It's a small gesture that means so much. This is partly due to the fact that our society has been influenced too much by the feminist movement and so many women are confused about their roll and really need their husbands to make them feel womanly again. An example of number 2 is how my husband knew what my favorite candy bar is and never had to ask. He always knows what feels like a real treat for me. If our husbands get us treats or snacks that we don't like it's almost worse than not doing anything at all because it tells us that you don't know us and don't care to know us.

That's the real secret to winning a woman's heart and most women don't even know it. We want you, really even need you, to make us feel like women. Being a woman doesn't mean we're silly, or lack intelligence, or can't take care of ourselves. It just means that we want to feel feminine to your masculine. And we want to know that you care enough about us to really learn who we are...to know our likes and dislikes without us having to tell you.