by Scott Haltzman » Sun Jul 27, 2008 7:18 am
Well, it's a cycle, don't you know.
You sound as if your guy has something that you want, and you're frustrated because he won't give it to you. Then, you act in ways that push him away. "Because I don't feel wanted I have lashed out on him in other unproductive ways." Then, he's more distant. Funny thing is, while you see him as being pretty impaired in the ability to make himself emotionally available, other women seem to think he's got something to offer.
So, either 1) those other women are stupid and can't see that your man genuinely has nothing to offer, or 2) those women are happy enough with what your husband has to offer, and like him for who he is or 3) in the context of new "friends" he is able to offer more of himself to other people.
Let's work on the premise that (1) is not correct--that that many other women can't be that stupid, and that you also weren't entirely stupid when you chose this guy to be your lifetime mate.
That leaves (2) and (3).
Now, looking at it that way, you, too, can find yourself in the position of those admiring women! First, recognize that, at baseline, your man may not be able to meet all (or most) of your emotional needs all (or most) of the time. He's got great qualities (since I don't know him, I can't tell you what they are, but you have an idea...good with kids? Great at investing? Good a driving when you get to a new city? Can sing a great rendition of Aerosmith?) but one of the areas that he doesn't always meet your expectations with is his ability to open emotionally. I'll bet (still not knowing him) that he desires to be close to you emotionally. So, solution to (2) is to accept him, good and bad and don't make him feel like he's incompetent. (That's a killer for guys).
Why is he charming for other women? Because they bat their eyes at him and make him king of the hill. Disgusting! How dare they!! But, what's his response? He actually lights up around them, and, moreover, he opens up emotionally. You want him to act around you the way he does around them? Try batting your eyes and making him feel like king of the hill. He won't be able to wait to come home to you!
Many people withhold giving what they should to their relationship because they're either angry at their partner, or wait for him to make the first move. You wrote to this forum...it's in your hands to make things better!
Good luck!
Please remember: THE SITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. The information about relationship, emotional, psychiatric, psychological disorders and treatments diseases contained on this website or through e-mail correspondence is general in nature and is intended for use as an educational and reference. NOTHING CONTAINED IN THE SERVICE IS INTENDED TO BE FOR MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT[/i]