Stress & Fatherhood Have Taken Away My Husband. Need Adv

[AbagayleLee]

We've been married for 10 years. I stay at home with our toddler and infant. He absolutely hates his job. It's making him miserable and causing him so much stress that it's affecting his stomach. He snaps it me over tiny things. He finishes my thoughts and my sentences, but he always finishes them wrong and gets mad at me over the assumptions he made, which were wrong. We do not go on dates. We do not cuddle, kiss, hold hands, etc. He shows no interest in these activities. I told him that I feel like he doesn't want me anymore and he started yelling and screaming that it was his job and not me. I just sat there and listened as he yelled "get it through your fucking head, I hate my job." This was in front of our children. Even after calmly asking him not to yell or curse in front of our children, he continued. I just keep all of my thoughts and feelings to myself to avoid his yelling in front of the kids. Talking doesn't get us any where any way. He doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. Right now, all that matters to him is work and the kids. I don't even register on his radar.

I'm at a loss as to what I can do. He isn't interested in sex, he says it's due to work related stress. I'm a great cook, but he's not interested in food. He says all he wants from me is to clean house. So, I've been working even harder to keep it spic and span. I feel like I'm his nanny and maid (I don't mind these rolls, they are my job), but not his wife. I desperately want him to hold me, kiss me, look at me without looking though me. I just had his second child 4 months ago and he acts like he hates me.

I'm not a nagger. I only told him that I feel like he doesn't want me anymore after he asked me what was wrong. Now, if he asks, I just say "nothing, everything is fine."

He works out regularly at a gym, which I thought would help his stress level and lack of interest in sex. I don't get to go because I don't have anyone to watch the babies, and I'm breastfeeding the youngest.

When I try to give him soft touches or hugs, he tenses up and acts annoyed like I'm wasting his time. If I tell him I love him, he does at least say it back and he's the kind of man that doesn't say things he doesn't mean.

I believe he is so consumed with he responsibilities at work and with the kids that he just see any sort of relationship with me as an added nuisance. But, I can see that by not reconnecting, he is slowly falling out of love with me. I have to save our marriage before he ends up wanting a divorce.

I took the quiz in "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" and my husband is the kinds of man that likes to be a provider and protector and in control. I believe in the traditional rolls in a marriage. But, just can't figure out how to get him to see me as his wife again.

Advice, please.

[ThunderHorse]

There are social skill training courses. Why not idenify a situation at work, for which he could have a better outcome.

I have THE GENTLE ART OF VERBAL SEL-DEFENSE AT WORK, by Suzette Elgin on my desk. 2000, prentice Hall , used from Alibris.

You need the 8 steps book, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO ME.

Do you know how to kindly blither positive gibberish?

Avoid unintentional rewards of Silence, Yelling Back, or arguing-debagting.


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