What to do? Wife wants a divorce

What to do? Wife wants a divorce

Postby djbeck88 » Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:53 pm

hey everyone my wife just told me that she wants a divorce about 2 months ago. im in the us airforce and stationed in england right now. we also have a 8 months old baby boy that i do not want to lose. i love my wife more than anything but after she had the baby things have not been the same. ive tried taking on more things around the house and that hasnt worked. i just dont know what to do. any advise?
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Postby ThunderHorse » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:12 am

Do you make it a point to give your wife 15 minutes per day of unconditional listening?

Do you find little ways to express your love? Have you tried the Love Diet? Search Love Diet references on this forum.

Have you tried 180 Degree Divorce Busters? Search for discussions on this forum.

You have changed by doing more chores around the house. Anything else that might be siple to change?

Can you create a list of little things that your wife has asked for? Is there any little thing your wife has asked for that you could have done more responsively? Any way to be more responsive as a new little request is mentioned by your wife?
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Postby ThunderHorse » Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:50 am

You say your wife has changed since our son was born. You don't give specifics of how she has changed. Chapter 4 of the Secrets of Happily Married Men book gives a number of categories to better understand your wife.

The way to pleas the woman you married, has evidently changed, so to preserve the marriage you need to find different actions for your approaches to engender love from her.

How do your expectations for your son differ from your wife's expectations at this time? My wife and I always got along better after having taken a parenting course. The parenting courses gave us concepts and terminology through which to discuss our differences, and brought us closer together. I took my first parenting course with my wife when our son was about a year old.

You mention that you are in the US Air Force, and apprently your wife supported your continuation in the Military when she married you, but before she became a mother. What are your wife's percpective on your continuing service in the Military?

Sometimes there are series of decisons in the Military that affect the length of time for which you will be obligagted to remain in the service, and sometimes there are options for increased training, for longer periods of re-enlistment. What are your upcoming decsions on re-enlistment and deployments? How can you make your wife feel invloved in the decisions you are making regarding your continuation of military service?

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Re: What to do? Wife wants a divorce

Postby Coolcats05 » Mon Dec 05, 2011 9:11 pm

First of all, I am sorry to hear of your state of affairs. Divorce tends to be a painful and stressful event for most people; however, your situation seems to warrant even more empathy. How long have you been married? Have you been deployed before while you have been married? Do you have any idea why she might be suggesting divorce?

I don’t know what kind of communication you’ve had with your wife. In my psychology class, I have learned that, “Effective communication is crucial to the success of a marriage.” Since you are overseas, I can’t imagine that you are having effective communication with her. Obviously your wife is under a lot of stress, perhaps you should seek the advice of a marriage counselor when you return.

I am not a psychiatrist, but I do have a friend that was in a similar situation. She had been married with two children for approximately six years. Her husband was on leave when their second child was born. At first she seemed okay, but there were a lot of people around to help her. As time went on the stress of running the household on her own and missing her husband started to take its toll. She had mentioned divorce but they are still married today. That was three years ago.
I sincerely hope that things work out for you and your family, thank you for your military service.
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