Is this marriage over?
Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:17 am
I have been married to my wife for 5 years. We have no kids and at this stage I do not want any. When we first married, I wanted kids badly. My wife is in her early 30s and I am in my late 40s. She is drop dead gorgeous and I am overweight. We are a physical mismatch for sure.
My wife is highly educated, more than me. She has 3 degrees vs one of mine. She was good at her profession in her home country but now she is in the West where she has to re qualify. Her English is perfect and she can be charming as hell but deep down she is insecure, possibly due to a bad relationship with her domineering father. She is very aggressive to an extent a bully.
She has put me through hell because of her insecurities. I dearly loved her. I surrendered to her. I put her before my own life. I have made many sacrifices for her because of the love I have felt. She took that love for granted. She abused me physically and verbally. The police have visited our homes several times. She has lied to the police that I have hit her. I have never touched the woman.
When my wife gets angry I feel she could do anything. I do not know that person. She is very scary. She has threatened suicide on me a few times. She has stolen money from me. She does not consider it theft but entitlement. Her money is hers, my money is ours is her motto. She has borrowed money from me promising to return but never has. She has damaged the property we used to live in because of strange religious beliefs. I have gone through a life of hell the last 2 years. I have lost my job because of her.
Recently, my wife was gone for several months visiting her ailing mother. The solitude did me a lot of good. I grew as a person. Things changed in me. Though I care for my wife I do not feel attracted to her. Given her physical features, any man would want her but I do not. She is the one who always initiates sex. For me it was never sex but making love. The moments would last hours with a lot simple gestures like looking into her eyes, conversations, holding each other,... For me it was always pleasing her that mattered.
Now I do not want to touch her. I dislike the act now because it is not intimate. It does not last long, thank God, but I do feel the insincerity on my part compared to what it used to be. In the end, I think a lot has to do with my respect for my wife. I do not have that anymore and I do not care. If she left me today I would be relieved but she won't because in her way she cannot live without me. She sees that I have changed and we have talked about it a bit but yet she keeps behaving as though nothing has changed.
So my question, is there any hope in this marriage? I have tried counseling. My wife does not believe in that. We have never tried joint marriage counseling though.
Thanks for listening.
My wife is highly educated, more than me. She has 3 degrees vs one of mine. She was good at her profession in her home country but now she is in the West where she has to re qualify. Her English is perfect and she can be charming as hell but deep down she is insecure, possibly due to a bad relationship with her domineering father. She is very aggressive to an extent a bully.
She has put me through hell because of her insecurities. I dearly loved her. I surrendered to her. I put her before my own life. I have made many sacrifices for her because of the love I have felt. She took that love for granted. She abused me physically and verbally. The police have visited our homes several times. She has lied to the police that I have hit her. I have never touched the woman.
When my wife gets angry I feel she could do anything. I do not know that person. She is very scary. She has threatened suicide on me a few times. She has stolen money from me. She does not consider it theft but entitlement. Her money is hers, my money is ours is her motto. She has borrowed money from me promising to return but never has. She has damaged the property we used to live in because of strange religious beliefs. I have gone through a life of hell the last 2 years. I have lost my job because of her.
Recently, my wife was gone for several months visiting her ailing mother. The solitude did me a lot of good. I grew as a person. Things changed in me. Though I care for my wife I do not feel attracted to her. Given her physical features, any man would want her but I do not. She is the one who always initiates sex. For me it was never sex but making love. The moments would last hours with a lot simple gestures like looking into her eyes, conversations, holding each other,... For me it was always pleasing her that mattered.
Now I do not want to touch her. I dislike the act now because it is not intimate. It does not last long, thank God, but I do feel the insincerity on my part compared to what it used to be. In the end, I think a lot has to do with my respect for my wife. I do not have that anymore and I do not care. If she left me today I would be relieved but she won't because in her way she cannot live without me. She sees that I have changed and we have talked about it a bit but yet she keeps behaving as though nothing has changed.
So my question, is there any hope in this marriage? I have tried counseling. My wife does not believe in that. We have never tried joint marriage counseling though.
Thanks for listening.