i'm nosediving fast. please help me.
Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:51 pm
my background: i always was the lovesick puppy who just wanted to find someone. didn't date much because i pined after only a handful of girl my whole adolescent life.
met my wife. she's pretty, sociable, caring, loving, loyal, great cook. we were arranged rather quickly. We weren't forced to get married, but it was heavily influenced. problem is that i was moderately attracted to her, but we never clicked on a personality level and we didn't have much sexual chemistry. i'm 30 and we been together 7 years. she's not doing anything wrong, but i need a completely different person to make me happy as we have no commonality. i never felt understood and never felt i could be myself around her.
with all of our years of fighting and not having any chemistry with her, i am not attracted to her anymore at all. our sex life was never good and right now it's almost criminal how much i don't initiate sex in the past two years.
she's not happy, but she thinks we will magically be better. i tried explaining that we don't click and that we should find some happiness elsewhere several times over the years, but she doesn't want to leave when i try to talk nicely to her. she never agrees and i feel bad and wanting to work it out, because she's a fundamentally good wife, but in reality, i'm really wishing she would be different person.
she's basically always dared me to kick her out if i want to end it. she doesn't understand that i love her and don't want to hurt her. well, not having the courage to be the bad guy and kick her out has left our relationship getting worse by the day. I'm pummeling her emotionally everyday.
I've neglected her and our relationship for years because i was never engaged in it and i have to work long hours just to scrape by in mediocrity. i have told her finally that i'm not attracted to her. i get sick to my stomach when i see her from all the times i have hurt her. i'm putting in late hours now partly due to some major deadlines, but also avoiding being around her when she's awake. i come home at 2am and gone by 8am. i live at work.....and i hate my job.
i'm on antidepressants and ADD medication that i started in Sept. to fight life long mental issues. i've burned out on my work for years, and now the recession is really pouring gasoline on things which finally led me to seek help.
should i give the drugs more time to work? i'm quitting my job and having my parents support us as i try to get my sanity back and try to save my marriage.
most of my peers and family want me to try and work it out because marriage it tough, etc. right now, i don't ever want to be married and don't know why anyone ever does get married. i'm the complete opposite of the person i was before i met my wife.
is it simply that i don't have courage to end it?
Is it my mental issues that won't allow me to love her for who she is?
how did i become so different? will i revert back to the lovesick puppy when i'm single again?
i'm the kind of person that cries in romantic comedies, when two people find each other...yet why is that i'm rejecting AND hurting someone who loves me so unconditionally to put up with my abuse. (either that, or her self esteem issues has her comfortably uncomfortable in marriage that looks good to on the outside, but is empty within.)
i can't tell if i'm mature for trying to be show that we don't have any rock to build our foundation of if she's the mature one for enduring.
i live in an area where i was lucky to even find a psychiatrist who would take me in and the one i'm with is so topical with his questions. he just states the obvious that my work and my relationship is affecting me. Should i see a psychiatrist for the meds, but do counseling with a psychologist? the guy doesn't take notes and he's repeated questions from session to session. i need the meds, so i keep going and it's hard to find a doctor who is taking new patients.
met my wife. she's pretty, sociable, caring, loving, loyal, great cook. we were arranged rather quickly. We weren't forced to get married, but it was heavily influenced. problem is that i was moderately attracted to her, but we never clicked on a personality level and we didn't have much sexual chemistry. i'm 30 and we been together 7 years. she's not doing anything wrong, but i need a completely different person to make me happy as we have no commonality. i never felt understood and never felt i could be myself around her.
with all of our years of fighting and not having any chemistry with her, i am not attracted to her anymore at all. our sex life was never good and right now it's almost criminal how much i don't initiate sex in the past two years.
she's not happy, but she thinks we will magically be better. i tried explaining that we don't click and that we should find some happiness elsewhere several times over the years, but she doesn't want to leave when i try to talk nicely to her. she never agrees and i feel bad and wanting to work it out, because she's a fundamentally good wife, but in reality, i'm really wishing she would be different person.
she's basically always dared me to kick her out if i want to end it. she doesn't understand that i love her and don't want to hurt her. well, not having the courage to be the bad guy and kick her out has left our relationship getting worse by the day. I'm pummeling her emotionally everyday.
I've neglected her and our relationship for years because i was never engaged in it and i have to work long hours just to scrape by in mediocrity. i have told her finally that i'm not attracted to her. i get sick to my stomach when i see her from all the times i have hurt her. i'm putting in late hours now partly due to some major deadlines, but also avoiding being around her when she's awake. i come home at 2am and gone by 8am. i live at work.....and i hate my job.
i'm on antidepressants and ADD medication that i started in Sept. to fight life long mental issues. i've burned out on my work for years, and now the recession is really pouring gasoline on things which finally led me to seek help.
should i give the drugs more time to work? i'm quitting my job and having my parents support us as i try to get my sanity back and try to save my marriage.
most of my peers and family want me to try and work it out because marriage it tough, etc. right now, i don't ever want to be married and don't know why anyone ever does get married. i'm the complete opposite of the person i was before i met my wife.
is it simply that i don't have courage to end it?
Is it my mental issues that won't allow me to love her for who she is?
how did i become so different? will i revert back to the lovesick puppy when i'm single again?
i'm the kind of person that cries in romantic comedies, when two people find each other...yet why is that i'm rejecting AND hurting someone who loves me so unconditionally to put up with my abuse. (either that, or her self esteem issues has her comfortably uncomfortable in marriage that looks good to on the outside, but is empty within.)
i can't tell if i'm mature for trying to be show that we don't have any rock to build our foundation of if she's the mature one for enduring.
i live in an area where i was lucky to even find a psychiatrist who would take me in and the one i'm with is so topical with his questions. he just states the obvious that my work and my relationship is affecting me. Should i see a psychiatrist for the meds, but do counseling with a psychologist? the guy doesn't take notes and he's repeated questions from session to session. i need the meds, so i keep going and it's hard to find a doctor who is taking new patients.