Me and my wife have been married for about 3 and a half years. She has a daughter from a previous relationship that she had at 19. We also have a daughter together; they are 5 and 2.
My problem started when we were joking about swinging one day. I didnt think anything would come of it but it was such an intresting conversation and we kept getting deeper and deeper. After awhile we decided that we wanted to try it but only with another couple.
My wife ended up having sex but I couldnt do it unless I was with her. When I touched the other woman it just felt wrong and I couldnt get erect. She went back to the guy one more time because I said it was ok but really didnt like it and stoped on her own terms.
We still felt like it may be something we wanted to do but we didnt force it anymore. Then one day she started talking alot to a friend from highschool that was in the air force. They have talked on and off for almost 6 years through email. Since he hadnt been home in so long he asked if she would come visit and she really wanted to since shes never traveled alone.
I let my wife go because I trusted her and to be honest I wanted her to have sex with someone else she would never see again so I could really tell if I was ok with our situation. Before she left I tried to tell her I didnt want her to sleep with her friend though, but every time I tried I ended up asking her if she wanted to and she told me no.
Well, everyone knows what happened next. She slept with him and she was only there for 2 days. She didnt tell me when she first got back and when she did I lied and said it was OK. I told her I loved her and that it only hurt that she didnt tell me when she first got back.
Later that week I tried to see if she had feelings. I tested her by asking her if she really liked him and kept telling her taht if she wants she can turn him into a "fuck buddy". I did this because I didnt know how she really felt and our sex life had been down lately.
By that Friday I was so upset about it because she texted him telling him that they could do it again if he wanted too. Now let me explain where I am physically at this point. I have been working 13-15 hours a day because we own a small business and things have been picking up fast but not enough money to hire help. I was also working hours on the weekends and had been doing this for about a month.
That night we got in a big fight that ended in her going to the bar with her friend. I had to go pick her up because she didnt want to be there. We fought and fought all the way home and finally while there she basically told me it was over. I got so upset I wanted to kill myself, so I picked up a clothes bar and beat the shit out of my head with it. Looking back I know I lost my mind because I cant remember anything right before it and after.
I know anyone reading this thinks Im crazy and I do too but I really went insane that night. Between lack of sleep, ntamicy, sex, and general love, I lost my mind.
Now my wife tells me that we are over because of what I did and even though I try to explain she wont let me. She was in a very abusive relationship where the man she was with beat her bad. I never have hit anyone in my life and though I had anger problems, over the past month I have worked on them alot.
My wife tels me she wants to be with me but cant because all she sees is that. I am not that man and I actually saved her from her past relationship and supported her right when we met. She moved into the other room for about 3 weeks till I drove her crazy to move back in with me. I dont know what to do or where to go from here. We fight almost every day and its always me that brings it all up. I cant seem to keep my mouth shut.
Also my wife has alot of male friends and one in particular is from an account we just got that hit on her a ton and she gave him her number before the problems. He texts and calls her everyday. I know taht hes trying to sleep with her because of what the guys at the place he worked have told me.I have tried to tell her that but she dosnt care. I think she might have already slept with someone else and she keeps telling me that she dosnt care who I sleep with.
Because of the kids we are sleeping in the same bed and I am doing the best I can but she dosnt come to work anymore to help me and I am being even more stressed then before. We have sex maybe once every 2 weeks and afterwards she gets very distant.
She tells me all she does is see what I did to myself. She also tells me that if it ever goes away she will be with me but I dont know if I can handle all this time that has passed. She is very young and beautiful and gets hit on daily. If she sleeps with someone else it will be over for sure. This is over isnt it? She goes out every other weekend now to a bar with her friend and she leaves me with the kids constantly to go work out or help her friend paint her house that she just got.
There is even more to this but I want some feedback before I tell more. Thank you anyone willing to help