New Member

[sean75080]

Hi folks. My name is Sean. I am new here and looking forward to getting to know you folsk and looking forward to learning from each of you. I am 21 yrs old. Black Male. in Dallas Texas. I married a lovely White young lady and both of us were virgins on our wedding nite.

She comes from a very strict religious background and they pretty much view sex as bad and only suggest we have sex missionary style. MY issue is that I am overly well endowed and so on our wedding nite she looked in total terror when i started to get undressed. Why we never talked about this before hand but i guess i never even thought about it.

My situation is I of course do not want to cause her any discomfort. I figured I would try to pleasure her orally which I have never done before but was willing to please her. She frowned at me and said thats gross.

So I guess I am wondering what I should do next. Since she has such a negative attitude towards sex which is from her upbringing.

Is it ok for me to masturbate. Should she decide to actually have sex with me, what is the best way for me to penetrate her wthout hurting her.

If any of you have any ideas or thoughts I welcome them.


Thanks

Saen

[socialdistortion]

Dear Sean,

I love your posting. It sounds like you are both a bit confused about your sexual relationship right now. I imagine it must be tough to have a partner who can’t enjoy physical intimacy. You say it is from her religious background, but I am pretty sure they had sex in the bible and condone it within wedlock. Perhaps in time she will feel more comfortable with you in that way and things will get better. If not, maybe you can get some counseling at some point to help her understand her feelings.

If you do get past the sexual roadblocks, don’t worry about her only wanting to do it missionary style. Give it a few years, she will get bored with this pretty fast. You definitely have the right attitude about wanting to take your time to make her at ease with this new relationship. Good luck, you sound like a really nice guy.


Social Distortion


P.S. – It is TOTALLY ok to masturbate... (just ask Thunderhorse!)

[sean75080]

Well, I of course know that ses was mentioned in the Bible. I know that its good. Just she has hangups right now which as I was trying to say is how her parents view sex. I would not be opposed to just doing missionary postion with her. If she would let me penetrate her. We have not been married long and both were virgins. I guess we atill are...lol. but she was in total terror when i statred to undress. I am some would say overly well endowed, so I could see the terror on her face so I never even attempted to try any penetration. Not sure what to do in this situation. I am sure there are positions that will help her take me with ease. By the way who is Thunderhorse..........

Sean

[socialdistortion]

Is she in terror because she is scared of the ‘act’ or the ‘pain’? It can take a long time to be physically comfortable for her if this is her first time. I would talk with her and ask her about her concerns. Are they emotional, psychological or physical? Perhaps she can bring this up with her obgyn or her physician. I think you are doing the right thing by taking your time and being so concern about her feelings. She is fortunate to have a partner that cares…

Social Distortion

[LauraBrotherson]

Hi Sean,

Dr. Scott is a friend of mine and asked me to respond to your post with a few thoughts. Women are pretty complex creatures especially when it comes to sexual intimacy. It's very difficult for many young women to go from No, No, No! to Go, Go, Go! after marriage. Sex for a woman begins in the mind, so if there is a lot of stuff getting in the way there by way of negative or unproductive thoughts and beliefs about sex, then that's likely where the primary problem begins. Women really are not socialized well to embrace and nurture their sexuality for marriage.

I also suspect that your new bride is going through some degree of something I call the Good Girl Syndrome. I'd recommend you and her go through some of the resources I'll suggest here and then seek some additional professional help if need be from someone with special knowledge/training on sexual intimacy.

--Read Chap 3-5 of the book And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment for info about the intricacies of female sexuality and the differences in sexual wiring between men and women. http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/

--Review this info about the Good Girl Syndrome:
http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/m ... -syndrome/

--Check out some of these video clips especially the one on the 8Ts of the Female Sexual Response then talk together with your wife about which areas seem to be a biggest barriers for her:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/laurasvideos.php

You may also want to go see an obgyn if your wife has not been able to let you penetrate or has experienced pain. She may benefit from some graduated dilators if she did not receive that at her pre-marital check up (if the doctor thought it was even needed). Remember though that it's what's going on in your wife's mind that is key in her sexuality.

You might also look into some of these brief audio shows on topics of interest to you and your wife. The key at this point is to really get educated about marriage, sexuality and especially the intricacies of female sexuality. http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/m ... macy-show/

I wish you well. I hope you'll find some helpful resources here! Good luck! A mutually fulfilling sexual relationship takes some work but it's well worth the effort!