acceptance of not being desired

[demodotus]

I am happily married, and faithful to my wife. And she to me. We are very close, and very much in love. We share everything, and communicate well.

For about 7 years, she has had no desire for sex. She is neither aroused, nor finds it in herself to wish to be so, for herself, although she thinks it would be better for us both if she were. We pray together for a restoration daily. We have had therapy, used various medications, including testosterone, etc., and gotten no help.

At present, I have no hope, save a miracle, that this will change.

This is a cross to me, and I try to accept it.

I wonder if anyone else can speak to our situation.

Please don't go on about her using porn to help or about my lovemaking skills, or romantic get-a-ways or about childhood abuse, or any other of the usual suspects. We reject porn as immoral, and we have tried all the rest, and we have gone through all of the standard accounts, with 4 therapists and with great candor. And, she was responsive and orgasmic for the first 25 years of our marriage.

It is what it is, and it hurts.

Btw, she is very kind about letting me have intercourse with her, but it does nothing for her.

[mycup_of_tea]

Hi demodotus, I feel that you are not alone in this problem. Many couples experience lack of sex as the relationship ages. I am suspecting your wife may be going through menopause which can explain the reason why to your problem. Just know that this doesn't mean she is not crazy about you, or not attracted to you anymore. It's just that her hormone levels are changing and her sex drive has decreased chemically.

Unfortunately as menopause hit women in their 40's and 50's there isn't anyway to reverse the affect. The possibility of your wife reviving her sex drive is minimal.

[socialdistortion]

Dear Demodotus,


Recently Michelle Weiner Davis, author of The Sex Starved Marriage wrote two articles for Psychology Today Online on this exact topic. First, she wrote “ 11 Tips for the Spouse with the Lower Sex Drive”, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/div ... -sex-drive. Two days later she posted “9 Tips for the Spouse with the Higher Sex Drive”, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/div ... -sex-drive Don’t ask me why the spouse with the higher sex drive gets two lower tips, but overall it is an interesting article… Although some of the advice overlaps with things you have already tried, it might be interesting to hear what the experts have to say.

Good Luck,

Social Distortion

[ThunderHorse]

You don't mention your massage skills, or the DVD instructions that you found helpful, or not.

You do not mention the concept of foreplay for a woman as extending days in advance of actual love making.

Your wife is being accomodating to you, so finding ways to be thoughtful in return, does not have to match the same category of desire. You do not mention how you look for ways to be more accomodating to your wife, in return for her being accomodating in understranding your prostate health needs.




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[ThunderHorse]

Maybe there is more to marriage than your wife finding you attractive 24/7.

In what other ways could you ask your wife to boost your Ego?

What opportunities to boost your Ego does your wife miss?

How dould you phrase request for your wife to massage your Ego?




Thunderhorse discusses his desires for wife to understand him, and boost his ego.

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ht=couples



There is a chapter in the Men's Secrets book for a husband to introduce himself to his wife.


Search COUPLES, for boosting a Husband's Ego, Love and Respect



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