Seriously need help

[lakegeorge]

Been married for 21 years. VERY happy on both sides for 20.5 of it. Beginning of summer wife and I became distant. Focused on entertaining guests at our house. Wife has acknowledged that she was trying to forget the fact that our only 14 year old child was off to school (2 hours away) in the fall. We now have an empty nest, and my wife simply is out of touch. No emotion (never really showed any) but now she not only has no emotion, EVERYTHING I ask of her (which is not much) is 'critiquing' her and she just gets pissed and walks away. She seems to just not like me anymore and there clearly is no real sexual attraction lately, on either side. She also went off this summer and found a Dr. she liked and tried to start an affair. Dr. told her he would not cross that line and I owe him one. Found this out on her computer while she was telling me /nothing is wrong'. She knows I know and I have forgiven her (nothing really happened, she was just 'searching for something'). Have no idea what to do. She is unhappy and so am I. Thoughts?

[ThunderHorse]

Been married for 21 years. VERY happy on both sides for 20.5 of it. Beginning of summer wife and I became distant. Focused on entertaining guests at our house. Wife has acknowledged that she was trying to forget the fact that our only 14 year old child was off to school (2 hours away) in the fall. We now have an empty nest, and my wife simply is out of touch. No emotion (never really showed any) but now she not only has no emotion, EVERYTHING I ask of her (which is not much) is 'critiquing' her and she just gets pissed and walks away. She seems to just not like me anymore and there clearly is no real sexual attraction lately, on either side. She also went off this summer and found a Dr. she liked and tried to start an affair. Dr. told her he would not cross that line and I owe him one. Found this out on her computer while she was telling me /nothing is wrong'. She knows I know and I have forgiven her (nothing really happened, she was just 'searching for something'). Have no idea what to do. She is unhappy and so am I. Thoughts?

Listening strategies? How often during the day do you offer to listen to your wife to vent, when you have 15 minutes to listen?

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... .php?t=559


Complimenting Strategies?


http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... .php?t=477


Is your wife being inconsiderate in refusing to listen to your requests?

Can you cut back the entertaining? What is the purpose of entertaining?


What little things has your wife given up asking you to do? What little things are you overlooking, that you could do now?


How are you coordinating your involvement with your 14 Year Old? Why away at school?






//

[ThunderHorse]

Thoughts?

In responding to your thread ideas of prayers for children came to mind,

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... .php?t=530



//

[Artemus9]

Dear George of the Lake,

You begin with something very telling to me, which is your reference to time. Twenty One years is a very long time, and not surprisingly, the past fourteen has not been focused on just the two of you. In fact, from experience with three, 17, 16, and 14, the focus on kids evolves such primacy that loving parents are not likely to notice spousal unrest until the earthquake.

The something new in your lives has been your now-distant child. This has been replaced with your concern, likely unequal, between the two of you over the distant well-being of your child. What is missing, in spades, is the dedicated and devotional caring about each other.

Time to reset. Get you new parenting roles somewhat in-place, and change things up big-time. Change the surroundings by going away for a weekend and try something that will allow the two of you to connect in some of the fun and simple ways that you used to. Dust it all off, and see what's still there. Dance and sing. Get crazy. Be happy. See if it still works.

Good luck.