Suspicious and Abusive Wife

Suspicious and Abusive Wife

Postby jackronald » Mon May 09, 2011 3:11 pm

I have been married 24 years. to the woman whom i loved the first time in my life. After our Engagement she was suspicious and abusive but i thought (in my madness of love for her) that she will become OK after the marriage. After the Marriage she became more abusive and suspicious. Even if i am in the mall she will be saying to me (you are starring at other ladies) she even can't trust me with her own sister. I never had an Affair or Sex with other woman. She has hit me several times and never even said sorry, she has been in affair but never regrets. The reason for the Affair is that i am not stopping to look at other women. I love her and want to live with her but Now she is nearing the Menopause and she made my life hell. Everyday i can't sleep or talk to her. she wants me to quit every job i have so i can't meet with anyone. She hides my Cell and money. Never allows me to check my emails or Facebook althou she has all my passwords. Never allow me to talk to any other woman. I dont know what to do? Plz help she is not willing to go to any counselor.
jackronald
 
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Re: Suspicious and Abusive Wife

Postby ThunderHorse » Tue May 10, 2011 4:28 pm

jackronald wrote:I. Everyday i can't sleep or talk to her. she wants me to quit every job i have so i can't meet with anyone. She hides my Cell and money.

. I dont know what to do? Plz help she is not willing to go to any counselor.



What is your response to her actions that you find objectionable?

Are you giving her an unintended rewards?


http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... .php?t=583

In the Fith post down, I present the Boring Baroque Response. Boredom is the best response to avoid giving unintended emotional rewards to your spuse.





What needs does your wife have? You do not mention meeting any of her needs.


Is your wife crying out for you to meet some of her unmet needs? Which needs is she trying to fulfill with her expressions of jealousy?


What compliments can you add to the compliments thread for wives?


Who is supporting your wife in her overly-concenred jealousy? Sister, Mother, Hair dresser?

//
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Postby jackronald » Wed May 11, 2011 10:16 am

The Needs you she is asking for are: not to talk with women in neighbourhood, family and also on the malls. Not to talk to any person Male/Female on my cell when she is not with me, Not to wear Good clothes or use any Perfumes or Deodorant when i am going to Job. Not to come around her when she is talking to any Female from the family or friends. Not to watch TV when she is in Kitchen. Not to stay alone in my bedroom when she is downstairs in the living or kitchen. Dont check emails or FB without her (she has all my passwords).
jackronald
 
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Postby jackronald » Wed May 11, 2011 10:19 am

I give her Flowers, Gifts and wanted to take her to Restaurants and Beaches for Vacations but she doesn't want that. She says you are not listening to me and where ever you go you stare at other women. I was just going to donate my eyes for her sake but she said even if you donate your eyes your heart will be the same. So what shall i do Now.
jackronald
 
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Postby jackronald » Wed May 11, 2011 10:23 am

Who is supporting your wife in her overly-concenred jealousy? Sister, Mother, Hair dresser?
Her Sisters are not like that they are also not happy for what she is doing to me. The know me very well. but she lies to them that i am hitting her and abusing her (althou it is the opposite in our home).
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Postby ThunderHorse » Sun May 15, 2011 12:42 am

If your wife is telling lies about you to her sister, to get sympathy, it seems there is a pervasive problem.

This will probably take longer term goals, andnot just quick, pop psychology quick fixes. You will probably need an excellent support network. The question you could ask yourself, is "Who can apprach to become a member of my suport team in helping me remain constructive in my relations with my wife?"

One principle for when a person is telling lies about you, to others, is to more regularly keep in contact with the people who are important, who are being lied to. Not to ask others to confront the lies, but simply to let the others know that you are being reasonable, and that the stories are just being made up to garner sympathy. You might ask your sisters-in-law, "Are there any stories you have heard from my wife that might need clarifying? Or are you sufficiently accustomed by now to realize that my wife exaggerates to get more sympathy from others?"

What have you tried with your wife recently? What has worked? What seems to be not working?

One strategy would be to avoid getting upset yourself, to avoid feeding into an Emotional loops that would perpetuate the excessive jealousy.

This thread can be part of your support system.



//
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Postby ThunderHorse » Sun May 15, 2011 12:59 am

Maybe take the occasion of her expressing jealousy as an opportunity to give her blithering compliments.

Maybe don't give the content of her expressions of jealousy logical consideration, but treat her jealous expressions as insecurity, and offer compliments.
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Postby ThunderHorse » Sun May 15, 2011 1:32 am

It seems you could list out the possible needs of wives, and see if any more ideas for your wife's needs comes to mind. Your wife may be indriectly asking for you to meet needs that she expects you to already know about, and that she feels it is illogical for her to tell you her needs, that you should already know about.

COUPLES


COUPLE , what Women desire from a man

Closeness: Spend time together

Openness: Be ready for your woman to change her mind.

Understanding: Perfection is an ideal, not reality.

Peacemaking , Men often have difficulty asking for forgiveness, or saying they are sorry. For women it is natural to say “I apologize”. They expect it is easy for a man to say. But it takes initiative for most men.

Loyalty : Can take a number of forms. Men sometimes miss opportunities to do something that takes little time or effort, that would demonstrate caring.

Esteem: Men giving compliments


From Eggerich




Displays of Affection
Recreational Companionship
Expressions of Admiration
Avoiding Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Dishonesty
Annoying Habits

From Willard F Harley
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Re: Suspicious and Abusive Wife

Postby MrAngel52715 » Thu Sep 13, 2012 10:36 pm

Seems a lot of women know when there is something more going on than us just being "friends" with women. Btw, that's very hard to do without flirting at some point (or many) when it's with the opposite sex. Maybe she has seen you do or say something that was questionable. I mean, I'm sure you are not that perfect. Really ask yourself if you may have made her think something's up. I have so I know. Some of what you said sounds extreme, but you did nothing to contribute to that? Honestly?
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