Husband messed up and flips out on me

[sussana]

My husband and I fought some time back about his texting pornographic pictures with his friends -a lot. I feel it is disrespectful to me, to him, to our marriage. He said he would stop. That was over a year ago.

I have been looking at his phone now and again since the fight. It never did stop. I'd say it slowed down at times, at best. But I didn't say a word about it. I may have beed sad around him for periods of time when I saw it, but I wouldn't say he'd be so intuitive to have known why.

A few days ago we were having a great family day. And ofcourse, he received some pornographic text which ruined it all for me. I began to sulk that night. I tried to put it out of my mind as I have over the year, but it was really eating at me that he can't ever just spend time with ME -none of that other stuff, but ME. He is afterall, my husband.

I didn't say anything the next day but it was impossible to hide that I was mad, and mad at him. I started to send him a "How would you like it" type text but realized it is futile. He already knows and has proven for a year that my feelings mean nothing. So I stopped from sending the text.

Knowing I have been mad for two days, my husband picked up my cell phone this morning, no doubt looking for the reason to my silence toward him. He read the 'draft' I had writtten as I lay in bed trying to get back to sleep.

He threw my phone at my spine. It hurt, physically. But I was more angry that he is the one messing up and he dare be mad at me for a message I didn't even send to him. We exchanged a few words -where he began with "why are you still doing that"? Excuse me! I should have retorted, why are you! But in my anger I spoke the truth, because I can't spend a day with him without him looking at naked pics on his phone -that included our wedding anniversary! Then I sent the draft to him and another. He then ignored me all morning until he finally left for work.

I haven't heard from him all day which is probably best. I can't decide if I should just call a domestic violence hotline or a divorce lawyer. I am steaming mad. I can't understand why something so simple, show some respect for your wife, is so daunting. I would NEVER do this to him.

[lucille]

Your case sounds like the traditional man vs woman argument that we've been succumbed to for centuries. In the olden days it used to be brothels, today it's porno.

When you asked him to stop the first time, did you really think he would? It's like telling a rebellious teenager not to smoke, they will do it anyway. There are a few ways to approach this, realize that men and women are different.

You may not like this suggestion but how about you watch some movies together? It is a real turn on for women too. I do it with my husdand and it's a great way to get together for some erotic fun. He doesn't watch it away from me, he promises to keep it with me only (and he does) maybe if you relaxed the leash a little bit it would solve some problems. You may even like it since I find it a turn on.

If you want to fight it all the way then maybe you should get some marriage counselling because it sounds like he doesn't want to stop. Good luck with your issue and I hope you can both some to an amicable solution.

[WomansPntofView]

Dear sussana,
Let me start off with the fact that I am so sorry to hear that you have been hurting for so long. I know that if I were you and my husband was continuously looking at naked woman via text message, it would certainly disturb me too and honestly it would make me feel insecure about myself and our marriage. Therefore, I can only imagine how you feel. The fact that the two of you have talked about this a year ago and it is still continuing is inexcusable, in my opinion. Additionally, I feel that no matter the situation, the issues should never resort to violence. I can’t help but ask, is your husband normally abusive? Has he thrown things at you, and/or physically hurt you before? Also, how long have the two of you been married and do you have any children?

Currently, I am in a psychology class were the lecture specifically addresses relationships and marriage issues. To begin, I just want to say that about 45% of marriages today end in divorce. I do not know your personal believes, but I know I hate to be a statistic, especially apart of this particular one. Given that, there are four main reasons why relationships end. First is the result of premature commitment. I am not sure if this relates to you because I do not know how long the two of you have been marred, but it is something to consider. Secondly, a problem with relationships is how ineffective communication and ones ability to manage a conflict poorly affective any relationship. From my understanding, there must have been some type of communicating misunderstand for your husband to still be receiving theses pictures. Maybe he misunderstood how much this bothers you and doesn’t take into account how serious you are about the matter. The third break-up reason is how a partner becomes bored with the other, which leads to the fourth break-up factor, which is when a better option comes along.

In my experience, men tend to act like boys in a sense that they require a lot of attention. Maybe it would not hurt to spice things up a bit in your marriage. I understand that you are more the victim here and you probably do not feel the need to change your way of dong things. However, maybe that’s what it takes to keep your man happy, and to save your marriage. Dr. Scott suggests that woman should talk less and have sex more. If you think about it, it truly does make sense… Sometimes a man just cannot handle all the jibber-gabber women do. I hope you take my advice into consideration and that your husband and you can work things out.

Sincerely,
WomansPntofView