by patsprincess » Thu Nov 14, 2013 11:05 am
Ryder,
It seems like what you are trying to say is your wife does not want to have sex, no matter what you do or how hard you try to talk her it just doesn’t work. It also seems like your wife is a very busy woman who has a lot going on and maybe having sex isn’t at the top of her list. Let me ask you a few questions. When you ask her about having sex, do you ask her nicely? Or do you just come out of the blue and ask her when she is busy? Has she always been this way, or did the sex just randomly stop? Has she had any sudden incidences in the past happen to her that changed her attitude?
I am a current Psychology Student and my Professor says “there are three steps to maintaining a close relationship, and they are equity, self disclosure, and attachment.” I have noticed that Dr.Haltzman has a book called Secrets of Happily Married Men. He states, “know your wife.” Two other examples Haltzman gives is, “learn to listen” and “aim to please.”
In your case, all of these examples relate to your relationship. Equity is whatever you put into the relationship with your wife, you’re going to get out of it. This means, if you keep asking your wife why she won’t have sex with you and you are irritated, she is probably going to become irritated at you and the problem is going to get bigger than what you want it to be. Next, Self Disclosure… yes you should tell your wife that you want to have sex with her and it really means a lot to you, but you also shouldn’t nag her about it all the time. Also, Attachment… you should trust that your wife loves you, and when she says it she means it. According to Dr.Haltzman, he wants men to know their wives; so, start asking her how her day was, how her friends are, how she is feeling. Even if you could care less, you should still ask so she knows that you are interested. Learning to listen should be easy, when you ask her questions just listen to her, make eye contact with her, and sit close to her to make her feel wanted. Also, listen to what your wife wants, the relationship isn’t just about what you want, maybe she is going through a hard time and you haven’t been there for her like you should have. If you want to aim to please your wife, do little things for her that can change her day around.
I think it is great that you try to help around the house because that probably reduces her stress seeing as its one less thing she has to do around the house when she gets home from work. My suggestions are, if you ask her about sex and she ignores you or you can tell by her body language she isn’t interested in talking about it, then leave the subject alone. Wait for your wife to come to you, if you really love her and are patient she will come around. Also, take her out on dates or even have a candle light dinner ready for her when she comes home. I hope what I said worked for you!
-Good Luck
Last edited by
patsprincess on Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.