by elizacol » Tue Apr 10, 2007 8:28 pm
Jonah,
You should have clarified that point long ago. Geez, you made it sound like you were the one being refused...
That being said, I find you and your self-created situation quite sad. You are missing out on so much and cheating yourself, your wife, your marriage, and your children! Yes, your children. Not sure if you get 'why' that may be, but this post is not about that or them.
Not sure how long you have been married, but I think I read in another post that your 'marriage' has been sexless for 16 years!!! At YOUR doing?
Unbelievable!
Sex within marriage does not 'have' to be stale, routine, boring, what have you. It only becomes that when 1 or both spouses CHOOSES to let it become that. Apparently?, you chose to do so 16 years ago.
At the risk of sounding harsh (like I haven't already come across as that!!), it sounds to me like you never outgrew the 'sex is all about me' phase that all young people go through.
Great sex comes from giving, not receiving. And that is what makes marital sex so awesome...ideally, hopefully, eventually, it stops becoming about 'me', and starts becoming about 'my spouse'. When it happens mutually, watch out! Truly, you are missing out, imo. The mutual trust allows 2 people to fully give of themselves and fully engage in the act...something not possible when one isn't past the 'all about me' stage.
When I think about my H's and my sex at 20 (when we first married) and compare it to now...20 years later...there is strictly no comparison! We didn't 'know' how to have great sex back then. Whether due to ignorance, inhibitions, eagerness to 'finish', selfishness, immaturity, etc., those things got in the way, although we didn't know it at the time. Forward motion across the next 20 years....
and one's knowledge, maturity, mutual respect, lack of inhibitions, etc. evolve. There IS a difference. For those that are open and willing, the difference is better!
Internet porn, sex, etc. is NOT about mutual pleasure and satisfaction. It is strictly selfish...falling into the 'all about 'me' category.
Anyway, the choice(s) you made are yours to live with. I do believe, however, that you are trying to portray marital sex negatively because that is what you have experienced...possibly because you never 'evolved' to the next level w/your wife?? I don't know.
As with anything in life....sex is what you make it. If the 2-D (1-D?) variety suits you...more power to you. Having tried both, the 2 in no way compare!!