And it's beginning to mentally cripple me. Let me explain : I learned many years ago, early in our marriage in fact, not to tell my wife really personal stuff about myself or things which I felt ashamed or embarrassed about.
Why ? Because inevitably, during some row or other, she would throw one of these facts back in my face, and it is something I really hate. In fact its driven me to light violence on occasions where I would be tempted to knock her lights out.
Recently we had one of our rows. Now I have a brother who is slightly mentally retarded. In the heat of battle she came out with " You're as bad as your retarded brother". In my fury at her comment I felt like doing her some real harm. Our argument, BTW, had nothing to do with my brother - she just said it out of spite knowing it would really rile me. It is comments like this which really sour our relationship. I cannot talk frankly and honestly about many things close to my heart for fear of hearing them back, as occured above. I don't know what to do, frankly. I've told her I hate it when she throws things like that at me, but it still happens.
I got the shock of my life recently when a gastroenterologist told me I had a suspicious growth in my intestine. When I told my wife about it, the only reaction I got was 'Oh Dear', and a few other slightly sympathetic comments, but no real support for my feelings.
I guess I'm trying to say that many times I feel lonely in my marriage. I badly miss a relationship where I can be totally honest with my partner and know that whatever I say will be treated with the compassion/respect or whatever is required of the moment.
Does anybody know what I'm talking about ?
Thanks everybody.