question for men and woman - married

[mssanity]

Is it normal for married men to view porn online and to attend strip clubs? I recently found out that my husband of 3 months is doing both. I confronted him and he admitted that his boss likes these places. He said it was normal and a thing that men do - look at porn and go to strip clubs. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me. He travels every week so now I have to constantly think about what he is doing and if he will end up cheating. Please advise if you think this is normal or I should be concerned and upset over it.

[elizacol]

Whether it is 'normal' or not is irrelevant.

Your feelings on the matter count. Why? Because
your husband married YOU. By doing so, he
agreed to forsake all others. Many won't
agree, but in my book, that includes strip
clubs.

A marriage is a partnership. BOTH partner's feelings count.
You deserve to be heard by him regarding
your feelings.

I DO feel he should have been open and forthright
about this PRIOR to marriage. In that regard, I feel
you were deceived, as you didn't know the 'true'
person you married. Had you been privy to that,
your feelings on marrying him MIGHT have been
different.

I know mine would have.

As for what you can do...stay true to yourself,
ultimately.

You have to decide what YOU find acceptable
and what you don't. Then, communicate those
items
to your husband.

[MCarta]

MSSanity,

I had a friend who also went to strip clubs, was married and had three children. I found out while golfing with him that he went to a "Legs and Eggs" breakfast & strip club Wednesday mornings with his boss.

I told him that it was a slap in the face to his wife who also works and takes care of the kids (more than he). He has since straightened up and learned how other guys he respected felt about it. Believe it or not, us guys live by a simple rule when it comes to strip clubs: "Why watch someone cook a steak when you're hungry?" You have a wife that you love, why would you have too?

Also, three months? He may not have been mature enough for marriage. I hope he sees how deeply it hurts you. I wish you the best.

[tknochld]

Viewing porn online.. yeah, I would say that's pretty common. For me anyways. I don't hide it from my wife, but I've got enough tact to not view it around her unless we're both looking for something. I think what makes the difference is how it is viewed...

For me, it is something I find arousing, not because I'm imagining myself with a particular woman, but because I imagine my wife and I doing it. Or the act of sex itself ... It's hard to explain how I see it and how I have explained it to my wife... *shrug*

Strip clubs are another story... Those require vast amounts of understanding between a couple, though in the early stages of marriage unless it was already known, I would say it wasn't a healthy thing.

[aephyx]

I would have to agree w/ elizacol. That while normal you really should try to restrain yourself if your wife has a problem with it or as with tknochld where the wife is okay with it still be respectful. Look it's marriage, a partnership, you have to be willing to tamp down or abandon that which makes your wife feel unloved or unattractive. Is that the message you really want to send.

The issue of the boss is a tricky subject because believe it or not there is some places where males and females are expected to be at "meetings" their boss set up in strip clubs. While I find this wholly inappropriate for any work setting the wife may want to ask if this is more of an excuse her husband uses or if in fact he's expected to. If the latter's the case he may want to find new work.

my 2 cents,
kevin

[karenann]

My husband likes to look at porn and would like to go to strip clubs and even sleep with beautiful women, but he says he WON'T because he's married. I alway thought he shouldn't even want to. If I met a handsome man that I could sleep with, I would say no and return happily to my husband. Shouldn't he be happy enough with me to forsake all others? I would certainly hate to think that all this time he's been resentful about being married. Any insight to this?