First post so here goes:
I started very young with porn and sexual activity <10. To me it was all very intriguing. I married a wonderful lady , a very innocent lady. When I introduced her to a sex toy she was horrified. "What's the matter with me?" I learned from that to go underground and thats whent he addiction started. For 30 years being a Christian, It got worse and worse, confessing then carrying on, always getting worse and worse. Our intamacy waned and got increasingly worse. For me it was always porn, no actual affairs, though some emotional ones, which I have since cut-out too.
We are now "seperated" though living under one roof. I have stopped the addiction at least for a few months. She obviously is hurt and very angry for the loss of what could of been.She has known about this for 15 years when I confessed to her. Tried the SA route. They gave me ideas! So I gave up on that. I too am angry, my addition seemed to me to be fueled by her causing triggers for me and causing me to act out. Atypical addict response of blaming.
Questions:
1. Male or female: similiar situation what is your experience?
2. How can I get over my anger? Essentially I was deceived. God is my strength now.
3. Any suggestions on how or what I can do to reach out to my wife. Currently she is avoiding me totally, unless there is family logistics to contend with.
Thats enough for now.