Now maybe I need to give a little more history. I broke his trust along time ago by lying to him about stupid little stuff that shouldn’t have mattered. I really had no reason to lie except I was afraid of what he would think of me. Honesty is the most important thing to him, understandably. I am also a very jealous person. I thought I was over that but apparently not. When my husband and I first started dating he had many female friends most of which he dated in jr high and high school. I had a hard time excepting this and would accuse him of cheating. Soon I began to talk to other males but didn’t tell him about it. So my lies became bigger. I would get caught every time and he would always give me another chance. The lying did stop after several years. I have not lied to him at all and I understand how important it is. I think he wants to believe that but has a hard time after all the other lies. I can accept this and I am willing to take the time he needs for me to prove it.
We last separated about 3 years ago for almost a year. I wasn’t lying to him, we just hard a hard time getting along. I wasn’t giving him what he needed and he didn’t feel appreciated. I put others in front of him. During that year we talked a lot about all our issues. I assured him that things would be different and that I have changed. He came back home and things were going much better. Until he started talking to other females. Mostly I am ok with but there are 2 that bother me. One is over the internet in a PC game that he plays but the other the old ex- girlfriend. He has always been very open and honest about talking to them but some of the stuff I have seen in messages hurt me. He has never given me any reason not to trust him. He has been doing little things to make me feel very loved. A male friend of both of ours told me that as long as he is not treating me badly I have nothing to worry about. Even still I started going through his emails and his phone to find messages and never found anything until a couple of days ago.
He also thinks that I am still hiding stuff from him and that this will lead down the old path of the past; me starting to seek attention from other men and hiding it from him. I can honestly say I will never go down that path ever again. I love him and want to only be with him. But how do I make him believe this? He is extremely angry that I went behind his back and checked his phone and emails and feels I’m starting my lies all over again. He said I should’ve come to him and asked him about it instead. I didn’t think he would let me see the messages. He now will not talk to me and will not sleep in bed with me. He continues to talk to this other woman and says it’s nice to talk to someone where there is no bad blood. He wants me to trust in him and believe in him and I truly want to. I want to get over this jealousy issue I have and get rid of these fears I create in my head. But how?
