I'm struggling a little bit with some of this thread. There are female friends, and there are emotional affairs. There is a BIG difference between the two. As a man, if you say, "A man can't have female friends other than his wife." Then I have to say, "baloney". I have female friends, and my wife has male friends. Neither impacts our relationship.
I am assuming you are talking about my husband's 'friendship' with the gal at work. Trust me, it was an emotional affair. It was more than just a 'friendship'. He admits that it was. Part of his confusion lay with whether he wanted to try and work out our problems, or leave the marriage to be with her because, "She understands me". He wouldn't have taken a year to 'figure things out' if this gal didn't mean something more than 'just a friend'.
Of course males and females can be friends, as long as a certain distance is kept. I, however, can't believe there isn't something to the advice from experts that I have repeatedly read:
Friendships between members of the opposite sex should be avoided.
If you want to read an excellent reasoning behind this statement (and I feel ALL married couples should read this!), read M. Gary Newman's book, called
How to Affair Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship. He explains it FAR better than I ever could.
It is too easy for the lines to be crossed, imo, as well as the experts' opinions. My husband's situation began as coworkers, who then became friends, who then became 'friends'. Didn't yours??? Where, then, did it lead? Regardless of WHY it led where it did. The fact remains...one never knows WHAT might cause the boundary lines to shift.
It isn't a risk I would be willing to take. To each his own, however. What other people do to risk their marriage is on them. I can only live by my beliefs and set of morals, and my own personal experience.
Hell, I keep my distance from male co-workers and yet, through required daily interaction, have felt pangs of attraction, going both ways. This, without the *need* to be understood, made to feel attractive, etc. Throw into the equation one's need to feel worthy, attractive, desired, etc.(my husband's situation, due to an unloving, difficult childhood), and the risk of crossing the line increases greatly.
I have extremely high self-esteem, thankfully, as well as a strong sense of right and wrong. Had I not, I could easily have 'fallen' when I felt the pangs of attraction. Instead, I took the high road, and backed off from the interactions. Not that difficult.
For those who are serious about committing to their marriage, making it last for life, and not doing anything to jeopardize it, avoiding the formation of close friendships with members of the opposite sex isn't that difficult. It's a small sacrifice to pay for maintaining a loving and successful marriage. But, again, to each his own.
And I'm sorry, lying about a friendship, lying about going to lunch, lies of ommission (not telling your spouse you went out for drinks with a 'friend' from work)...etc...not exactly building trust there. Sure, if one's spouse doesn't KNOW their spouse is going out to lunch, texting, e-mailing, etc. he/she is going to 'trust' their spouse. That, however, is false trust. Not exactly a strong foundation for marriage....rather it is likely to crumble because the trust is based on lies of ommision.
Trust comes from being open and honest, not from hiding things and pretending to one's spouse that they don't exist...even if they existed in the past, and have since ceased to exist.