Wife is having an affair

Wife is having an affair

Postby Philly » Tue May 15, 2012 4:54 pm

My wife recently came to me and told me she is having an affair with her female boss. We have been married for nine years and friends for 25. I never dreamed that this could happen and it has turned my whole world and future upside down. I trusted her completely. I still love her very much and do not want a divorce, but she refuses to end the affair. She says she still loves me and will never love anyone else in the same way, but also tells me she is confused and conflicted. She tells me that she enjoys the sex that we have, but there hasn't been a spark or real passion for years (sex between us isn't crazy, but we often have simultaneous orgasms and the good sex I have with her when she's in the mood is the best I've ever had). She has reawakened that spark and passion with this other woman and wants to keep exploring that. We have had sexual tensions in the marriage for some time (the usual, I want sex more than she does) and I've even felt from the beginning that she married me more for our already strong relationship than on any strong sexual connection (she loves how this woman smells and has never loved the way I smell--is it all down to pheromones?). Problem is she does do it for me and still does. I feel unbelievably conflicted. I want to fight to save our marriage, but just sit at home dying inside when she's over at this woman's house. It's an intolerable situation. She's talking about moving out to get some space to think. We've talked about everything under the sun and laid bare all our deepest thoughts to each other; I've even found myself turned on when she tells me some of the details, but the emotional toll quickly drowns that out. We've even had great sex a couple of times since she told me. It's all so desperately confusing. She won't commit to saving our marriage and won't stop the affair, but she doesn't want to lose what we have either. What can I possibly do, or is it all just doomed? We have two kids as well and I know that divorce will likely cause long-term harm for them. Could I possibly stay married for them and keep my soul and sanity? I am starting therapy for myself on Monday, but every day feels like the longest day of my life.
Philly
 
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Re: Wife is having an affair

Postby ThunderHorse » Fri Jul 20, 2012 4:43 am

Your sanity is important.

Many husbands have wives who have affairs.

Sometimes it is best to avoid talking about some aspects of compromises in marriage.

Denial is a human trait to avoid facing unpleasant aspects of the turth.

Most marriages fall short of some ideal or another.

I happen to agree with the ideal of fidelity and I try to model faithful behavior.

You have several choices. One is to ask your wife to keep her affair as secret as possible, for your hanaor, and the sake of hte children, to make up thier minds when they are older.

Another is to invite your wife to discuss her problems in the affair, with you, in private, as she feels the need.

Another option is to ask her to change jobs. Anotehr option is to ask for a no-contact letter, in which your wife tells her lover how she wants to limit contact.

How is your marriage limiting your wife's enjoyment of her lover?


//
ThunderHorse
 
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Re: Wife is having an affair

Postby benfica25 » Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:20 am

So your wife is having an affair with another woman? And she refused to end the affair. You don’t want to divorce her because you still love her. She still says the she loves you even though she’s with someone else. But if your wife says that she loves you and refuses to end the affair with the other women, she is confused on her feelings and that’s not the type of women you want in your life.
Dr. Scott Haltzman says “Affairs happen in up to 40% of marriages, and there’s no bigger challenge to the integrity of a relationship than experiencing infidelity. Many of these marriages don’t have to end in divorce, people are getting poor advice, or no advice, and feeling that they don’t but have an option but to draw the marriage to a close”.
Your wife is just confused and that’s why she is having an affair with another women. With her continuing to see that women she certainly does not have the same feelings for you as she did before, even though she says that she loves you.
In my opinion I feel that you and your wife should go to counseling. If she really still loves you like she says, she’ll go to counseling to help your marriage. You can also tell her that going to counseling would mean a lot to you and maybe that way she would go. I know that you love her, but maybe its time to move on. Don’t waste your time waiting for her if she’s not putting any effort to fix your relationship.
benfica25
 
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