Fiancé of 6 years, not sure how to go on

Re: Fiancé of 6 years, not sure how to go on

Postby Marianne » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:41 am

If this is just a friendship, why is he keeping it a secret? Sounds suspicious to me that's he's not being totally honest with you. That alone is reason enough to believe that what he's doing is inappropriate and the best way to justify this is to ask him what would he think if he found you sitting in a car alone with a man then to find that many texts and phone calls? Would he be alright with it? It seem like this is a lifestyle with this man and I doubt it will stop in the future.....unless Dr. Scott can help put this into perspective for him. Just the fact that you have to write about it is reason enough to address the problem.
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Re: Fiancé of 6 years, not sure how to go on

Postby kmc » Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:17 am

It is time to move on.

First, at this point in your relationship, I believe your fiance should have been forthcoming about all of his friendships. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. Secondly, I am not aware of any friendship of this magnitude (no matter what you gathered from your discussion).

You deserve more, get on with living your life, take charge of your own happiness.

Praying for the healing of your hurt within as you move on to your joy!
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Re: Fiancé of 6 years, not sure how to go on

Postby ladybird » Mon Apr 08, 2013 9:55 pm

I wonder how you would think of this problem if you read what you posted and had to give advice to the person who had posted it. What would you see? You would see a man with a pattern of cheating on you over and over. You would see a man who isn't taking care of you-- why was he in a parking lot with another woman when you had just gotten out of the hospital? You would see a woman who is trying to forgive and change a guy --- and a guy who does not seem too interested in changing and accuses you of over reacting when you question him. I have to wonder why you are still just engaged after 6 years. Seems like there might be a trouble with commitment here.

As hard as it may be to let go, this man will not be the husband you have dreamed of-- unless he undergoes some counseling. If you stick with him you will be explaining to your children why Daddy has another girlfriend. Not a great way to raise a family.

Move on and realize that there are way better guys out there who will honor and respect you-- settle for nothing less.
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Re: Fiancé of 6 years, not sure how to go on

Postby ThunderHorse » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:10 am

Dear Acasqui,

Do you have an engagement ring?

There is a No Contact letter concept. Which, if you feel that your Fiance's relationship with the other woman is having a detrimental effect on your relationship, you can ask your Fiance to limit contact with this woman, and ask him to send her a letter explaining that your Fiance is considering your feelings, that his relationship with you has become distant, as he has gotten closer to the other woman.

What have been your differences? Are you living together? How do you settle your differences? Do you know how to handle and avoid verbal abuse? See a thread under Communication, "My wife is hyper critical, please help!" Does your fiance understand your need to vent, discuss ideas that are turning in your mind?

The secrets of wive's book may be helpful:

Table of Contents:
1. Know Your Husband
2. Nurture His Needs - and Yours
3. Fight Better
4. Talk Less
5. Have Lots of Sex
6. Take Charge of Your Own Happiness
7. Heal Thyself

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Marriage Problems

Postby sulekha01 » Sat Jul 20, 2013 2:13 am

I believe your fiance should have been forthcoming about all of his friendships.
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