wifes affair

wifes affair

Postby tacoma66 » Wed Jul 10, 2013 12:31 am

Eight years ago in 2004 I had an affair, I moved out and filed for divorce. Two weeks before my divorce was final my wife ask me to go to marriage counseling. I agreed because I still loved her and we have two daughters. I stopped the divorce and extensive counseling begin. everything was good for a while then she started throwing the affair in my face and telling everyone about me cheating on her ?.. we would have good days and then bad. Well last fall I found out through a third party that my wife had been with another man. when I ask her about it she first said that when we was separated that she had indeed been with someone but it was only oral sex, then a few days later she confessed they had slept together but only once. here is the kicker.... after she confessed to sleeping with him I insisted she tell me who it was. well, it was a she worked with that we hung around with. I was shocked !!! so I get ahold of this guy and he agrees to meet me. During our meeting he tells me I wasn't when we were separated but Five years ago. He also told me that when she found out he was going to meet me, she went to him and ask him to lie and say it was 8 years ago while we was separated. I Ask him how many times they had met and he said it was in a months time and they had been together 4 times. SO when I come home and tell her that he had told me it was only five years ago instead of eight years ago, she admitted it was five years ago but they only slept together twice. at first I was dead set on a divorce, she begged and pleaded for me to go back to counseling , she even signed us up with marriage builders to save our marriage.. Hers is my dilemma... during our counseling, I made it clear that I had a gut feeling that she was lying about the number of times they were together ,and my way of thinking was if she wasn't going to be 100% honest. the our marriage would not work. my wife adamantly stuck with her story. The marriage counselor suggested a polygraph to find out the truth. I set it up. she had two questions. 1) Did you have intercourse with ******** more than two times. 2) have you had any sexual contact with ********* in the last 4 years. she failed both miserably.. she insist she was telling the truth. and when I met with him he had said this was all five years ago.. could she be telling the truth and got a false positive.?? I feel I Have to know she is being honest
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Re: wifes affair

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:04 am

Some lies are considerate lies, intended to avoid hurting loved ones. Some considerate lies also serve to help the person telling the considerate lie, to feel better about themselves.

One of your options is to focus on enjoying the present, and make your marriage as pleasant as possible for your wife. The Husband's secrets book has two chapters on the importance of husbands listening to the ideas of wives, to let her vent. Truthfulness is not important for venting. Under Communications that is a thread, "Listening Strategies for Men".

One option is to try to make your wife happy in her marriage now, and in the future. Some people are able to put aside past hurts, and try to enjoy the present.

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