by ThunderHorse » Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:55 pm
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you for starting a thread that concerns the modern issues of smart phones and lap tops.
It is disappointing when a loved one promises to do better, then backslides.
Part of psychology is the study of compartmentalizing. This allows individuals to be in denial of the consequences of getting caught. The enjoyment of stimulation is commonly associated with secrecy. Many people keep much of the information they have about sex, secret, and do not disclose information that they may know or suspect, to anyone.
So trying to form a support group to assist in something like cheaters anonymous is challenging.
It seems that you are open to solutions, within the framework of your standards, but your estranged husband does not seem to be able to meet your minimum standards.
Today, in most jurisdictions, there are laws providing No-Fault divorces. In the 1950's, many states had laws preventing divorce, except for the reason of legally defined adultery. So the change is somewhat new, that women can set whatever standards of definitions for infidelity, they see fit, for divorce.
It seems that your husband is still interested in being married to you, but lacks the self-discipline to provide the level of exclusivity that you, and many women, feel they deserve. The number of women who have decided against marriage, has been increasing in the US, and has how recently reached a majority.
It seems from your post that you are in the thought process of finalizing your decision to divorce your undisciplined husband.
Do you have other prospects for a husband who would be less philandering? Would you prefer to remain single, rather than risk embarrassment by a smart phone?
Have you asked your husband if there are ways to structure your relationship, so that he could better keep his promises? Have you confided in a counselor, who might have ideas for improving things, for the future?
Have you looked at the Secrets of Married Women?
THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED WOMEN, HOW TO GET MORE OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSIP BY DOING LESS, 2008, BY Haltzman and DiGeronimo
Table of Contents:
1. Know Your Husband
2. Nurture His Needs - and Yours
3. Fight Better
4. Talk Less
5. Have Lots of Sex
6. Take Charge of Your Own Happiness
7. Heal Thyself
It seems that you are in the final stages of finalizing your decision to divorce your husband.
Some women have decided to remain married to husbands who are less disciplined than your expectations for your husband. To help you think your final decision, perhaps it would be helpful explain to such forgiving and tolerant women, all the ways in which they are making the wrong choice, and why your decision is superior to their laid-back attitudes.
I have tried to be supportive to your initial decision to dump your husband, while also trying to encourage you to look at the foundations of your decision. These concepts are in conflict, but I have attempted to be positive. I wish I had a real answer.
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