Midlife crises??
Posted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:56 pm
I have been married to someone I thought was a great guy for 30 yrs. He is a very successful professional and I have stayed home to raise our 3 children. After our oldest went off to college, he turned 52, and finally slowed down at work. I thought we were transitioning to a slower pace. But instead he became crabby and overall hard to be around. He never seemed happy to be at home, complained incessantly about work, friends, family. He always put himself first, never compromising what he wanted to do. Our relationship grew distant. This was not the guy I married. Then, a year ago, I discovered sexts from two young female coworkers on his cell phone. I was totally shocked! I confronted him and he confessed that they were young and cute and he thought it was fun...goofing around, with a bit of inappropriateness thrown in. It took a good four months of talking before he would even call it cheating. He says there was nothing physical going on. He says there was nothing emotional going on. But he has confessed to going out for lunch alone once with one of them and going for after work drinks with them, in a group, a half a dozen times, picking up the tab of course. He also confesses to buying them small gifts and cards. This went on for approx. 18 months. He chalks this all up to not feeling good about getting old. He says he never thought about divorce and thought what he was doing was harmless. He does seem to be contrite. He swears it would never happen again. The trouble is, this is not me. I don't do cheating. I love my husband and want to protect my girls, but my feelings have changed. I no longer see him as a "good guy". I feel like I am always looking over my shoulder. We have kept this just between the two of us, no family, no friends, no professionals. It has been a year, does it ever get any better?